I don’t think I mentioned here that on Tuesday or Wednesday [I have lost all track of days] I went for a walk. On a loop round to the postbox and home again. Weasel and I walk this loop often, it is a quick and easy way to get out and get some air and movement. It normally takes about 20 minutes and we have the option of extending it to the park or around another footpath to come home again. We like this walk.

I had a letter to send to the ENT consultant so we decided that since I was feeling better than I had been and the loop was so easy it was the perfect way for me to venture outside for the first time in five days.

This walk was a form of torture. I had to lean on Weasel the whole time and balance with an umbrella on the other. I could only take small steps and I had to stop and sit on garden walls three times.

It took us nearly an hour to walk the loop.

So having learned my lesson, today when I decided I wanted some air I just went into the back garden. The lawn needs mowed. The house needs cleaned and Weasel is being run ragged at work at the moment so everything just has to wait. I’m not good at just laying around. I’m so desperate to clean my house. I want to mow my lawn. I want to shop and cook as normal. I want to breathe through my nose 24/7 again. I want to stop taking painkillers. I want to go for walks with my wife and I want her to feel like I’m there for her.

Weasel has been very pressurised by my illness, everything I normally do has fallen to her. She’s super swamped at work, she has tai chi lessons, she deserves some down time, some fun time. I feel bad that I can’t do anything to make life easier for her.

I picked a tiny bud off a pink hyacinth in my garden. It smells amazing [my left nostril is kindly clear for the moment]. It looks wonderful.

I’m tired of the monotony my life has taken over the last three and a bit months. I used to have long conversations with my family about what I’ve been up to, lately all I have is that I felt ill and updates on various doctor appointments. I want to feel well enough to get on with my counselling course work. I want to go to the gym, lord how I want to go to the gym. I want to be able to drink out of a glass without a straw. At the moment, when I tilt my head back the whole room flips over and I feel like I’m falling.

This morning I stayed in bed an extra 15 minutes because I couldn’t bring myself to sit up then stand. Any movement like that starts the room spinning again. Once I’ve settled in the new position the room returns to its gentle clockwise spinning that I can tolerate.

I’d really like the ringing in my ears to stop. I’d love for my right ear to unplug so I can hear something other than my heartbeat [very annoying btw].

I’ve been working through my corrupted journal archives, there is a lot there. I have 74 files more to look at and rename. I then have the fun job of organising by year then month. Then I want to get a universal formatting. Then I’ll finally have to make a decision about what to do with them.