I very often grab lyrics in passing when titling a Debbie. I’ve had so much choice for this one I couldn’t pick just one. So hats off to Depeche Mode, Simon & Garfunkel and Björk.

Leave in silence
Sound of silence
It’s all so quiet

I’ve been thinking a lot [it is all I have left]. Especially about silence and quiet. I love quiet. I love peace. Nothing overwhelming, the chance to enjoy any sound there is without conflict. Like if I’m listening to an album, I’m not going to have the TV on and I’m crap at conversation. Ask any friends/family, if there’s the music I want to focus on it 9 times out of 10 – usually sing along too.

God I miss music.

This silent bubble with only my heartbeat for company that I’ve existed in for a month is a struggle and I don’t think I’m winning.

In fact, I’m barely holding anything together. Everything makes me cry. If I think about how wonderfully supportive Weasel has been during this month I cry. If I think about how much I’ve let Horatio down this month I cry. If I think about my dog I cry. If I think about my parents and how mad I was over her behaviour and how I didn’t get enough of him I cry. If I think about my in-laws and how kind they’ve been [lending DVDs, bringing flowers and food, supporting Weasel and driving me to appointments] I don’t want to cry right now though because it fucks with my head/sinuses and makes me feel physically worse.

My heartbeat has started to sound like other things to me. I caught it being a guitar riff, a techno underbeat and conversation. At the moment it likes to go into The Lion Sleeps Tonight ["Wemoweh, wemoweh, wemoweh, wemoweh"] so then my brain sings the proper lines over the top. It’s driving me nuts.

I love quiet, I do not like silence.