I wrote my Mom a very long e-mail today all about that’s happened lately because I don’t know when Weasel last spoke to her. Seeing the last three weeks spelled out like that was sort of distressing. Day-to-day my life feels pretty dull, I’m not able to do a lot. But when I can save it all and list it, I can actually see that things are changing, that good things are starting to happen.

Ever since I started douching my nose for example, I can breathe more comfortably and my nose hurts less. I am sleeping better [not brilliantly, but better]. I don’t fall asleep easily these days, but once I get there I can stay there for up to nine hours. I still have two naps during the day, but I try not to sleep after 5pm to protect my night time sleep.

This isn’t an ‘every night’ thing yet, I still have a night when I don’t sleep, or it is ‘dozing’. I still have days when I wake up with headaches so bad all I can do is take drugs and go back to sleep.

It also highlighted the changes in her life. She and my Dad celebrated their 32nd year of marriage on the 7th. I told you about my dog passing away, she says that my sister invited my Dad to look at puppies. I’m not sure if it is for them or for her, I asked though.

I didn’t tell you about my Grandpa [her Dad] passing on October 27th from West Nile Virus. I can’t imagine what she’s feeling. I’m not feeling much of anything. I didn’t know him all that well, I only saw him a couple of times a year [and only once in the last eight years] and I always felt vaguely awkward around him. In fact, I only realised that he and Horatio shared a birthday when my Mom sent me his life sketch.

I told her that Weasel and I were both on antidepressants. I am not looking forward to the many conversations about depression that are bound to follow. She likes to dwell on it and poke at it and really examine it whereas I like to pretend it isn’t there and I’m fine really. Just with this one and right now because my coping molecules are maxed out.

This year has had too many little and big things of a negative nature. I want things to be good, fun and easy again. I keep having things discussed about ‘when I’m better’ and I wish I had some idea of when that will be. In theory my sick note runs out next week and I have to go back to work. I have another note somewhere taking me to the 25th [?] but I suspect I’m going to need longer. I can’t even walk around the block without needing painkillers and a three hour nap.

That’s the thing about the future though, no idea what’s coming.