Last night when I went to bed my heart was doing it’s really-strong-but-not-fast beat thing it has been doing since the hospital. Sometime over the next few hours my heart rate increased and I felt like I’d missed a dose of the beta blockers [I hadn't]. I’ve been trying to relax and not let it get to me, but right now my pulse is about 136 which is much much much much much too high. I’ve taken my second beta blocker now to see if it’ll help. I’m early though, I shouldn’t have it till 8 tonight.

I think I’ve caught a cold as well so today has been really rough. My left ear is discharging now too. They’ve both been popping and gurgling all day. My hearing is better, but I’ve had to put cotton balls in my ears because the discharge was too much.

Plus Weasel had a meeting so I was on my own today. I was nervous about missing the ENT so I had the phone with me all day. I still haven’t heard from them, so I guess we’re still waiting. She’s away again tomorrow and I don’t know if I can handle it. I guess this is when having friends locally might be useful. But I suspect they’d have jobs and I’d feel awful making someone waste a day keeping me from panicking.

Yesterday I managed to get my Christmas list sorted so people can start shopping. I’ve got a few presents sorted already for my Mom, sister and Mal. I initially thought I wouldn’t be up to Christmas, but it turns out that it is a great distraction and a source of joy so I’m running with it.

Many many many moons ago, Weasel told me about the Keo Project. Basically they’re making a time capsule and sending it into space for 50,000 years. Everyone on earth has the chance to put a message in. I started writing something at the time, but I wasn’t happy with it so I sat on it. I found the file while tidying up all these files and it wasn’t as awful as I remembered. So here’s what I contributed:

Remember that you are the only person who controls you. Other people cannot make you feel or do anything, you choose how you react. If you don’t want to feel what you’re feeling, look to why it is there, figure it out and find another path.

Everyone has their own strengths. Just because you’re amazing at something or something makes sense to you doesn’t mean it does to everyone else. Try to see it from the other side. Always seek balance. Identify your weaknesses only so you can pull them up in line with your strengths.

Embrace change and when you can, create your own catalysts for it. Don’t wait until the New Year to turn over that new leaf, do it as soon as you can.

Relationships change as the people in them grow, so let your loved ones grow and let their happiness add to yours.

The human body is remarkably resilient, don’t fill it with unnecessary fuel like too much fat, sugar and salt. Don’t take medicines unless you really need them. Drink more water than you think you should.

Take compliments at face value and hold on to them – and always say thank you!

Keep learning – knowledge is limitless.