When I first started the morphine I was happy because it didn’t have a taste. I’ve since realised that it wasn’t the morphine that didn’t taste, but rather I couldn’t taste anything. It actually tastes like burnt sugar and has an interesting after taste. Getting your sense of taste/smell back after losing it is very awesome.

I thought you might enjoy this:

These are the pills I’m taking every morning at the moment. I take seven more in the evening. I’m such a druggie.

I finish with the antibiotic injections today! I had my nice tube thingy removed last night so had a nice night being tube free, they fit a new one this morning sort of close to my knuckle so I’m having issues with it. Only have to have it in today though so no problem here! I’ll get it removed after the injection this evening and I’m free!

Now that my pain management is under control and the antibiotics are working [we hope!] I’ve actually been feeling pretty good physically. This opens the door to feel not so good mentally though. I’m feeling pretty bitter and grumpy these days. I’m trying hard to fight it, but I have no patience or sympathy… I’m hoping I’ll figure it out soon enough and get back on an even keel. I’m also hoping to reduce the amount of morphine I’m taking over the weekend.

Things I’ve been thinking about that have nothing to do with my illness:

TV Marriages
I was watching Brothers & Sisters the other day and I got to watch the last marriage fall apart. There were three successful marriages when the show started: the first fell apart in the first ep, the second failed at the end of season one and now the last has succumbed.

Contrast this with The Brady Bunch which I’ve also been watching. I was struck by how Mike & Carol are a genuine partnership. They love each other, treat each other respect and understanding. They talk to each other and work together so their relationship and family can be a success.

Then I tried to think of comparable successful relationships on TV today. Homer & Marge are the closest I could think of in main character terms. I brought the topic to Weasel and she thought of Turk & Carla from Scrubs but they’re more secondary characters. I was cool with Monica & Chandler from Friends but they’re not on TV anymore.

I don’t watch Everybody Loves Raymond, but from what I understand they’re mean to each other and have very sarky conversations and misunderstandings. Sort of Married with Children level.

So can anyone help me, where on current TV schedules can I find a happy and successful marriage?

Gastric Bypass Surgery
I’m sick whenever I read the website of someone who is overweight talking about this. They’ll say they need to lose weight, outline a sensible diet/exercise programme for themselves then not stick with it. Then they’re upset because their plan didn’t work and they’ll never lose weight blah blah blah. So then they think, ‘I know, I’ll just get the surgery and I’ll be thin and happy and I won’t have to work on me anymore!’

I hate hate hate that. Losing weight takes time and effort and dare I say it – WORK. I worked myself like crazy to get fit and healthy, against the PCOS background and genetics. Why are people so lazy?

Little Mermaid lyrics
From Poor Unfortunate Souls, “this one longing to be thinner, that one wants to get the girl”.

Fair enough that the girl mermaid wanted to be thinner, but what I don’t get is why the guy had to be all buff to get the fat chick? He likes her as she is – fat and all so why did he have to change? It seemed to me that their level of attractiveness was lined up and good to go so why didn’t the two of them just make a go of it? Low self-esteem? Fear?

Robin Visited Me
She showed up during lunch two days ago. It was wonderful to see her. She told me E is still really ill as well, so I am reassured that she isn’t mad at me [which is what I convinced myself of while she's been quiet].

Trying to explain all that’s happened is impossible. I think I need to come up with a sort of three sentence description to send to people. I have e-mails and two people on MySpace waiting for replies from me and they all need to know what’s up. I also want to tell a few of my friends who don’t visit here what’s happened, but I just can’t open that can of worms neatly. In person was hard enough – especially with my voice going sometimes and the coughing etc. I just need some way to tell people what’s happening.

Walked to Budgens
That’s right. Yesterday Weasel and I went for a walk. Normally, I turn around after five to 10 minutes because I don’t have the energy to keep going. I felt pretty okay and I was trying to decide how far I could/should go and in the end I made it to the shop. I didn’t do anything beyond walking but I was pretty tired when we go home. I had a nap around 3pm which helped.

It was the first time I’ve been in a shop since the last weekend of September 2007. I wanted to spend more time and go slowly because it was overwhelming and I was so out of sync with everything but Weasel had a meeting and needed to get back.

I’m back to trying to find the balance again.