Weasel has made a small change that has knocked into every aspect of our lives and has made me fall more in love with her than ever before. I cannot believe that there’s still room in my heart for me to fall in love with her more.

The change? She has started coming to bed with me around 11pm.

I fall asleep quicker, I worry less, I don’t wonder where she is or what she’s doing [i.e. falling asleep in her computer chair and hurting her neck]. The sleep is more satisfying because she’s a comforting, warm and consistent presence by my side.

In the morning she gets up with her alarm and does productive things like the dishes. Her eyes aren’t blood shot, she’s singing more, laughing more. Working better at work. She has more fun with the fun things and feels better about the responsibilities because they’re getting done and she’s doing them well.

I’m so proud of her for making this change. I’m so happy seeing the effects as they roll through our lives. I’m so excited to see where this takes her now that she’s living in the moment.

Remember a few weeks ago I was happy because I’d finally upgraded WordPress? A week after that they released another update. My version was then new enough that it kept telling me that my version was out of date. So I finally upgraded today. Unfortunately, I fucked it up a bit and ended up spending half an hour trying various things. It was a stupid mistake and it wouldn’t have happened if I’d been paying proper attention. Thankfully I back everything up so it wasn’t a big deal.

I haven’t been back to Budgens since I went the other week. I actually felt really tired over the weekend. I suspect I was running on adrenaline last week with all the injections and stress. So I’ve been taking it easy and trying to do what I can when I can and not beating myself up over anything.

I’ve e-mailed E today to re-issue my telephone/visit invitation. We’ll see if she responds.

Re: the last title ‘Do not be concerned’. The lift in the hospital had the usual in-case-of-emergency/power loss sign up and the first line in bold caps was ‘do not be concerned’. This amused us for some reason, me because it is so very British and I love it when they do that. Additionally, there were signs all over titled ‘Fire Action’ – the action to take in case of a fire obviously, but I immediately thought more along the lines of superpowers. I took Fergus to every injection because he totally makes hospitals less scary. So I’d aim Fergus at Weasel and say ‘FIRE ACTION!’ and she’s mock scream and cower. Made every walk in and out of the clinic an adventure.

Weasel and I have made the decision to cancel our gym memberships. We froze the memberships back in September, so instead of £99 per month it was £20. But when one income goes and there’s no visible back-to-the-gym moment on the horizon we decided that those £20 could be better used on things like food. It has sort of made the recovery road that much more real to me. There is no end in sight, I have to wait and see what happens with the new treatment and then it’ll take me at least two months to get re-established in my work routine. Then I’ll want to get my home routine back, then my counselling coursework. I think before we re-new the gym we’ll look into setting up something at home by buying a rower, a pedometer and some weights. I have a bike already and overall it’ll probably work out cheaper and Weasel will be more likely to exercise too.

The morphine every three hours has meant that I can function again, and being without constant pain has been really awesome.

I’ll end with some amusement… Weasel has stomach issues which means that she sleeps better at an angle. With all my head crap I’ve had to join her. I used to call her five pillow pile her mountain, mine is now bigger with seven pillows and my duvet. So here is our sleeping mountain with Fergus playing me on the left and Corrin playing Weasel on the right.

And to give you an idea of how tall my pillows are…