Written on Monday or Tuesday…
If you’d asked me this weekend how I was feeling, I’d say that I wasn’t doing too well. Ask me today and I’d say I was doing pretty bad, it made the weekend look good.

I have been so uncomfortable today. I want to take my skin off. I don’t want to breathe anymore, it is such hard work at the moment. I’m tired of coughing. I want my heart to have a regular rhythm again. I want to not worry about stupid blood pressure.

Written today…
Yesterday, I felt pretty good. I left the flight socks off after my shower, my legs felt ‘normal’. The night before I’d managed 3.5 hours between morphine doses at night and a minimum of four hours all day. The huge 40-page form for applying for incapacity benefit arrived and I thought, ‘wouldn’t it be funny if we filled in this monster, then I ended up back at work next month?’ Overall, I was in pretty good spirits, I’d finally solved the CSS problem I was having with my new layout [I'm making good progress now] and things were looking up. Life was good [or as good as it can be at the moment].

Weasel and I had a delicious dinner made of fake chicken nuggets, chilli beans and chips with dijonnaise – wonderful. We were enjoying an episode of NCIS [my initial thoughts on the show proved correct - the characters are really starting to shine now]. Then I had a coughing fit. My back turned into a painful mess of knots. My teeth started throbbing. My breathing went. I went upstairs and ended up vomiting again. Coughing the entire time. Weasel very kindly used our massager on my back for 10 minutes or so while I caught my breath then she rubbed my legs and feet while we finished our show. She’s been so wonderful to me.

When I finally got to bed my legs were in agony, I was exhausted, my back was killing me. I ended up with a fever and had to get extra blankets so of course I woke up in a drenched in sweat in the wee small hours. I was back to walking like a 90-year-old and miserable. I took some paracetamol around 4am and that helped a lot, I slept much better after that.

Today I felt tired and sore so I spent the morning resting on the sofa. After lunch I went for a long walk – 40 minutes! I am tired, but I feel pretty good. My thighs definitely feel better than they did before I went out. I walked up to the little park and did most of the footpath [I cut across the football pitch before reaching the far end]. I wasn’t terribly fast, but I did it and I enjoyed it. The lack of wind definitely helped and the sunshine was wonderful. We’ll see how I feel tomorrow.

I’m still reading many, many websites, journals and blogs. I don’t hate the word ‘blog’ so much which has been interesting. I still think it is misleading and not applicable to the majority of people who use the term to describe themselves. I think blog now describes articles/essays – writing with a clear topic of the moment. I think most of these people still just have journals; they talk about their thoughts, feelings, goals, dreams, fears, plans and keep a record of events and life as they travel through. I guess journal sounds sort of old fashioned though and if you’re trying to pretend to be on the cutting edge of the intarwebs you’ll go with blog. I hope I never end up a blog.

Good Things
My Mom sent me a small parcel with a mini-puzzle, a copy of Unico [anime we loved as children, haven't seen it in years] and Dots! Dots are gummy candy, love love love them and I’ve been craving them but can’t get them here. Very pleased.

The same day a parcel from Horatio arrived – my Valentine’s present. We hadn’t discussed the holiday or gifts at all – our relationship is Dutch, we always try to keep our spending even. So I now own all three Ocean films [yay!], The Gnome Mobile and Pan’s Labyrinth. I feel very spoiled and I’m excited to be able to watch these any time I want.

I’ve officially seen all of The Brady Bunch from beginning to end. I’ve also finished the first season of Medium – which is just amazing. Season two is queued up to watch alongside Doogie Howser, M.D. and after that Roseanne.

Horatio is due here on Saturday, I’m excited. We’re going to watch the Faithless Live at Alexandra Palace DVD I got for Christmas. I haven’t seen it yet, I wanted to save it for him since he’s my Faithless partner. I don’t know what else we’ll do, but we’ve got a handful of hours and it’ll be awesome just to see him. It has been very hard on both us not seeing each or talking very much.

I’ll have to stop here or I’ll end up making that list of things I miss about me and my old life/body etc. Think I’ll work on my WP theme some more.