Back in the day when I would go to the gym I used to work up a sweat and have to wipe it from my eyes. It was so automatic I didn’t really notice that I did it. Today I decided to organise all the drugs in the house. We have had a bit of an influx recently as I went from one prescription to many more. However, the kitchen was in a bit of a state and I didn’t have room to organise. So I did a pile of dishes, the kind where you have to stop and dry because you’ve run out of room on the rack. I have never been able to just do the dishes and walk away so of course I scrubbed the skin and cleaned the toaster, kettle and sandwich toaster, tidied up the side, wiped down the washing machine and the walls; it was challenging but not impossible. I ended up with sweat in my eyes and when I wiped it away the movement was so familiar… and foreign. And it felt so unbelievably good to clean.

I love cleaning. I love the instant gratification. I love that I can walk into a room and think how clean it is and love it for days afterwards.

I think part of my problem was that I used to clean, cook, workout and breathe with music. It was playing 24/7 for me. I’d listen on my bike, at work, in the kitchen, while I mowed the lawn, at the computer, tidying up, playing the piano or singing… music was there, keeping the beat and distracting me. I never had to think too much thank god.

I even used to listen to music while I slept. I still rely on The Cure’s Disintegration to lull me away sometimes. Being deaf robbed me of that and I lost my rhythm. I feel bad because I end up blocking Weasel out, but I need this right now.

… or doubling the antidepressant dose has had a positive effect.

Doodle was here tonight for musics with Weasel and South Park. Weasel abandoned us half way through one episode so I of course said to Doodle, ‘How about that local sports team?’ I listed clubs and teams in the city and then we had a rant about sports.

‘Sport is a group doing something physical’ was his opening.
‘Like an orgy?’ I asked.
I thought on it for a moment and continued, ‘I wonder if they have try outs… test you for stamina and which holes you’ll allow.’

Then I started wondering about the referees, ‘They must be very jaded.’

I totally want orgies to be a team sport.