On Monday I exhausted myself during the day a bit and instead of asking Weasel to please cook I felt guilty and stayed to help. I’m not entirely sure what happened, but we had two jars and a little pot to open. I saw Weasel pick up the salsa and I took the pot. I put the cardboard wrapper in the recycle bin, put the foil lid in the regular bin. Put it on the counter and picked up the big jar. I always shake the jars before I open them and so I did this time. As said, I’m not sure how it happened, but Weasel had managed to open both jars. So sauce went all over me, on two cupboard doors, the counter, some on Weasel and the floor. I managed to get all bar a tablespoon-full back in the jar and usable. I rarely do stupid things so it is important to document them. Heh.

As I consider the closing of the year 2008 I must conclude that it was definitely better than 2007. Also a marked improvement over 1997. I’m sort of glad to get more distance between me and 2007. Now maybe I won’t be so paranoid.

I had an eye test today. My vision hasn’t changed and everything looks healthy. I get to go back in 18 months instead of two years on account of the steroids. Good times.

I was the designated person to find and purchase Mal’s birthday present, so I did that just before my appointment. Went to lovely independent jeweller we love and got a beautiful necklace. There are matching earrings we could get for Mothers’ Day if she likes it. I also found the perfect card. We have a running gag about being posh [which I cannot describe well enough to do it justice]. Says ‘For Mumsie!’ then ‘Here’s hoping one’s Birthday is absolutely tip-top and tickety-boo!’. I knew it was the one the second I saw it.

It wasn’t enough to let me use my credit card so I bought two flight magazines for Weasel and Cadbury’s Mini Eggs. It isn’t even the new year yet and they had Easter candy for sale. Weasel loves them and she hasn’t been feeling well [had a fever yesterday] so I thought they might cheer her up.

Got home and made sandwiches for Weasel and I then Doodle arrived around 3:30. We played music a bit. Mostly I listened and felt sorry for myself. And a little bitter too. Weasel has a fancy new effects pedal for her bass so they were playing with that.

We ordered Dominos after that and watched the re-make of Dawn of the Dead. Weasel had to show Doodle Left 4 Dead after that so that’s what they’re doing now so I’m doing this.

Next up is Black Swarm. We’ll keep watching films until 11:45 then switch to watch the BBC coverage of Big Ben chiming and the fireworks over the Thames. Good stuff.

Tomorrow we celebrate the new year with Weasel’s family. Weasel’s 29th birthday is on Friday, so please nip over and wish her a good one. Mal’s birthday is on Saturday so we’ll go celebrate both with everyone then.

I have been thinking lately about all the names I call people I love.

Fergus for example:

• Mr Dog
• Goodbaby
• Mr McFeets
• Doctor McFeets
• Fergus Goodbaby McFeets
• Fergamus
• The Baby

Weasel:

• Weasel [since its not her real name - shock!]
• Karrot
• Karrot McFish
• Peanut
• Weasel McFeets

Horatio:

• Horatio [also not his real name!]
• Captain Monkey Pants
• Princess
• Peanut
• Bunny
• The Boy

Today was wonderful!

Events kicked off around noon. Weasel and I went to her parent’s house for the day. Mal and I worked on a cross-word puzzle while Weasel and Doodle played with their DSs and Stoat and Nan chatted in the kitchen and made foods.

The starter was a lovely baked pear on a rochefort cheese sauce with a side of salad leaves topped with spring onions and grapes in some sort of dressing. There was also a slice of bread with roast garlic baked in the centre. Delicious! We also had a non-wine mulled multi-fruit drink, I think I had six glasses! Main course was pheasant for the meat eaters and a lovely pastry filled with Mediterranean vegetables for the vegetarians. We all had sides of roast carrots, potatoes and swedes. Dessert was magnificent. A few months ago Stoat and I were chatting and ended up on cakes. I waxed lyrical about carrot cake, perfectly moist with cream cheese icing. We decided he’d make it for Christmas. It was heaven. Perfectly moist, the icing was light… a thing of beauty. It was served with lemon sorbet balls covered in chocolate* with a chocolate sauce over the lot of it. Stoat is so amazing with food, I love eating with him and learning from him so much.

* I read about the balls in a local magazine and decided we should make them. So I went over on Monday and he and I made those and I made ravioli from scratch! More on that later…

Between starter and mains we had the white elephant exchange. Weasel read ‘The Night Before Christmas’ with ‘left’ and ‘right’ inserted randomly. When the word came up everyone passed in the appropriate direction. We laughed and everyone enjoyed their little present.

Between mains and dessert we watched How the Grinch Stole Christmas and figured out how we wanted to work our charity donation. We managed to pool together £400! I was delighted. We gave to five charities. We were so happy with how it worked out, I hope we do it again next year. We also got some lovely photos, I hope to have some nice ones of Weasel and I to share soon.

After dessert we played pass-the-parcel. It was so much fun. The little activities [forfeits] I put in were hilarious. my favourites were Stoat drinking a glass of water backwards and Mal patting her head and rubbing her belly until the next song break.

We had much silliness, talking and merriment. We watched Christmas episodes of The Simpsons and Dr Who.

Perfect day as far as I’m concerned.

Monday! The ravioli was wonderful, we made the dough, used his pasta machine to roll it out, used the ravioli forms to make the shape. Most of them are filled with goat’s cheese, sun-dried tomatoes and pesto. When we ran out we filled the rest with pesto and parmesan bread crumbs. I made them for dinner on Tuesday night [too exhausted to cook on Monday]. I wanted to use some sweet potatoes I had so I looked up recipes for sweet potato pasta sauce and that one worked beautifully. I added extra carrot and sweet potato and used sour cream instead of single cream. It is rather sweet and an excellent base. I had enough for dinner and three other portions went in the freezer.

I got to use my liquidiser for the first time, so much fun!

I ended up going to their house again on Wednesday to have lunch with Nan, Mal’s sister, brother-in-law and niece. Was very good fun and I was happy to be included.

I am absolutely shattered. I am also overstimulated. I’m glad we don’t have anything planned for tomorrow. Saturday we might go back again for the day.

This Christmas made up for me missing it last year.

Weasel and I have been married today for nine years.

We sang, ‘going to the registry office and we’re gonna get ma-ah-harried’ in the car on the way over.

Eight years ago we stayed in a fancy hotel for one night for our honeymoon. I got a new ring. We took a bath together and listed all the things we love[d] about each other.

Seven years ago we saw Lord of the Rings and had dinner at the Rainbow Cafe. It was the last night they were open before Christmas so we got to have a couple of their Christmas crackers.

Six years ago we saw The Two Towers and had dinner at the Rainbow Cafe. It was the last night they were open before Christmas…

Five years ago we saw Return of the King and had dinner at the Rainbow Cafe.

Four years ago we went to the cinema and had dinner at the Rainbow Cafe. In February we got matching tattoos to celebrate.

Three years ago we were in the US and we treated my parents to a dinner at a fancy steakhouse to say thank you for putting us up.

Two years ago we went to a carol service at Ely Cathedral. It was really fun and amazing, except I had a cold…

Last year I was too sick to do anything so I think we ordered pizza and I wrote a very moving Debbie called Learning to Lean.

This year we ordered pizza and watched an episode of QI. Now she’s asleep on the sofa and I’m here.

I’m so incredibly lucky to have found my best friend. I’m immeasurably lucky to have married her.

I’ve been feeling a little slow, a little off-kilter ever since we got home from the US. I think because I have had something to do almost every day since we got back. I’m not used to that anymore.

Today is an important day. Two years ago, I spent my Wednesday morning in the usual fashion [get up, gym, shower, get dressed]; then I went to a restaurant to meet my work colleagues for a Christmas do. While I was there I started feeling a little under the weather. I decided I had a cold by Christmas and by New Year’s Day I knew I was sick. I finally saw the doctor on January 7th. I had a sinus infection. It never went away. Now I’m deaf and my lungs are restricted and I can’t work.

I saw my chest doctor on Wednesday. The photos of my lungs from last week’s bronchoscopy looked really good. My airways are nice and pink and a fairly reasonable size. They’re not as big as they once were. He doesn’t feel that anymore dilations will help. One of my airways has a little webbing, if it gets bigger he’ll want to laser it off. Otherwise, what I’ve got now is really as good as it gets. He says that exercise and weight loss can often help, so I’m going to push things up. The holiday interrupted my exercise flow a bit [plus a grumpy back], but I think I’m going to be able to make progress. I’ve updated my illness page with the rest.

In good news, two of my childhood friends found me this week and I am delighted to be back in touch with them. I’m calling one of them tomorrow morning and I’m hoping we’ll be able to create something together.

In more good news, BlanketGirl’s husband had a job interview this week and a call-back from someone else. We won’t know anything for a while, but it is definitely a step in the right direction.

Another good thing, finally started watching House. I’m excited to see the episode where he mentions my illness. He did vasculitis in the first episode, so now we just need to get more specific.

This week I have sorted out a white elephant gift for Weasel. I’ve got three possible variations of the game found and I’ve asked Mal what she thinks of them. I got our pass-the-parcel parcel sorted. I’ve also injected my own variation whereby people unwrap a layer and find a card with a number inside. The number relates to a random wrapped present. Inside each present may well be a small ‘challenge’ [which I won't share because Weasel's surprise will be ruined if I do]. I’m very excited. Especially since I spent last Christmas in bed by myself.

Weasel has been working at the office for a full week now. I’m still not sure how I feel about it all. I can get a little lonely during the day if I’m not careful. She’s very happy with how things are going so I am too. This means though that we can reclaim the library for our own use since she isn’t working there anymore. We’ve arranged for her desk and a few other furniture pieces to be collected in January and her IT stuff will be collected next week. So today I spent a few hours sorting through everything and cleaning. We have three boxes and three bags to go to charity shops now. When all the work stuff is gone we’ll be moving the rower, exercise balls and trampoline upstairs. This will free up a lot of room in the lounge.

And fuck me, I didn’t tell you about the ball or my weekend with Horatio. I had to find a headband when I arrived in Leeds so I went to a few shops. People were everywhere and rather scary. I managed to find two sets of two in two shops. Then I bravely got the bus to the flat all on my own. I rested and did a few bits and pieces to get ready until Horatio came home. He got put together and we left.

We got to the ball right on time. Had a drink in the bar and met a few of his colleagues. I feel the ‘ball’ room was mislabelled. It was much smaller than I expected and it was packed, there were 27 tables. The dancing part of the room was a few squares in front of a temporary stage. Because of its small and central location no one danced, including us. We’ve had three chances to give it a go and we’ve not managed yet. Dinner was fun, I got on with the man next to me and his wife. The food was yummy and we thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. The cover band they got was horrible and it was much too loud. I couldn’t talk to anyone. No one was dancing so there was a lot of standing around wondering what we should do. At least I got to meet his main friend and his boss. I’ve told Horatio that any time he needs me for a work thing I’m happy to go. We gave up and left around 11:30 I think. We walked around Leeds looking at the lights after that, it was a lovely evening. We got the bus home and crashed.

Friday was fun, I got to go with Horatio to a bank meeting where he was doing fancy portfolio things that go over my head. I sat in the corner and played Hotel Dusk on the DS. We went to Burger King after that. I don’t know why but Leeds makes me crave Burger King. It is the only time I really find myself wanting beef. I figure once a year won’t kill me. After that we went all over the charity shops and the market to find white elephant gifts.

Saturday we made cube steaks. I was craving the ‘white gravy’ and the only time I’d ever had it was after cube steak frying. So we gave it a go. They turned out reasonably well. I really let my vegetarian ways lapse when I’m with my meat-eater. I have since made mashed potatoes and the white gravy without the steak and I now know how to do it. And oh my it is good.

Sunday was playing with music, I hooked up my MP3 player to his computer and we exchanged a few bits and pieces. We went to lunch at a wonderful Latin restaurant where I had a delicious vegetable chimichanga on a bed of rice surrounded by black bean chilli. It was so very good. I also had a tequila sunrise – which turned out to be a buy one get one free. Yum! We’ve talked about making it a usual thing at the end of a visit. One of the best weekends we’ve had in a long time. I can definitely see that my stamina has improved.

Scene: Grocery store check out clearly labelled ‘Baskets Only’

Two men are in front of me, unloading their baskets. I join the queue. One man finishes and I unload my basket onto the belt. A woman joins the queue behind me. She has a trolley. I think about saying something and decide not to. Then I think, it is a rule, a store policy. I tell her that it is a basket only checkout. Her reply? ‘I know.’

So it is okay to break the rules and bite your thumb at society provided you know that you’re doing it.

Horatio is taking me to a Blank & White Christmas Ball on Thursday evening. My stupid stomach is so big at the moment [think 6-months pregnant] that I decided to get some shapewear pants to wear underneath. When I’m done with this silly steroid taking and I can exercise properly I will appreciate looking not 6-months pregnant. I have some beautiful thigh high stockings to wear. I asked my hairdresser for styling tips today*. I’ve been going through all my jewellery this evening and I’ve got two options set up. Wednesday I intend to put the whole thing on and double check that it all looks how I intend.

* My hair is shorter than ever! Only to compensate for the re-growth. New hair is getting longer, but they didn’t blend in so well with my previous haircut. Now they do. We also curled it all under this time! It looks thick! It is shiny! All is well.

I will try to get photos of us all dressed up and fancy.

Let me tell you about Thanksgiving Day. BlanketGirl and I got up fairly early. She was up before me, she had the turkey stuffed and I got there just in time to help put it in the roasting bag. In the oven it went. We made rolls, green beans, carrots, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes [with and without marshmallows], stuffing [regular and corn bread], pumpkin pie [made a few days earlier], two kinds of gravy… a real feast.

That was one of my favourite things about being with BlanketGirl, cooking with her. We are so similar in our methods and routines. So many things we did lined up and it was just amazing to see. She moved out when I was 14 and we weren’t very close then. I moved to the UK when I was 18 and we still weren’t very close. So I don’t know how we managed to be so similar. I adored every moment I had with her. I found myself going to her wherever she was, whatever she was doing I just wanted to be there with her.

Anyway, Mom & Dad came to help and I went off to have a shower and get cleaned up. We sat down to eat around 3. My entire family was there, both my sisters, Weasel, my parents, brother-in-law and nieces. We also had Miles [Doberman/German Shepherd mix] and Grace [Min Pin] keeping the floor clean under us.

The food all turned out perfectly. I was so proud and pleased. Everyone really enjoyed it I think. Afterwards I fell asleep on the sofa with Weasel.

This was my first Thanksgiving dinner in 10 years so I was very happy to have it. I was happy I got to share another family tradition with Weasel. I loved being able to cook with BlanketGirl. It was all so wonderful.

Miles & Grace are such wonderful dogs. Miles is daft but so sweet. I got to buy him a new squeaky hedgehog while we were there. He was so excited. Grace is a rescue dog, she was horribly mistreated. She has made so much progress in the time she’s spent with my sister’s family. She came to accept Weasel and I too. I got many lickings and snuggles. I miss them already. I want a dog so very badly.

Christmas this year. I have been thinking about it. Thinking about how we always agree with budget with family members and then they provide a list. So basically we exchange things that are not a surprise for a cost they already know. I didn’t like this. Lately, if I want something I just buy it. Everyone in Weasel’s family is in the same boat. Plus, trying to buy something that’s useful for Weasel’s 87-year-old Nan is next to impossible – she has everything she needs. The more I thought about it, thought about the stress it caused, the more I realised we could do better.

I suggested to Mal that this year we don’t exchange gifts. Instead we are going to pool our money together and donate to charity. The joy of having that day together as a family is more than we can ask for. We’ll play games, eat amazing food and maybe watch a film. It’ll be wonderful and we’ll create some lasting memories. We’ll also be able to help some people who are less fortunate than we are.

This is the sort of Christmas I can get on board with. The sort I can get excited about.

I admit I was influenced by seeing my family. I asked for a dinner out without the children [so we didn't have to watch what we said]. We went to an Italian restaurant and it was perfect. Everyone got along, we talked and laughed a lot, we had delicious food. Those two hours are more precious to me than any gift I could have received. My favourite ‘joke’ of the evening: I was rubbing my thighs after dinner [it is a textural thing] and BlanketGirl got ‘mad’ because my Mom was on her other side doing the same thing. We laughed and I said that I rubbed my feet too [this is when one rubs one foot against the other when sitting or lying down]. Mom was surprised as usual [I've told her I do it several times and every time she's surprised]. We started reminiscing about when we’d go camping and Mom & Dad would be asleep. We’d know when Mom was awake because she’d start rubbing her feet. Chance phrased this badly though saying, ‘they’d be going at it’. My Dad chimes in at this point and says, ‘her feet, not us!’.

Best evening I’ve had in ages.

So I’ve learnt my lesson – holidays are about spending time with people I love and creating memories.