When Weasel and I got back from the US last December my computer started doing the following:

• freezing with little striped red rectangles covering the screen
• freezing with just a strip of the striped red rectangles covering the screen [appearing either 1/4, 1/2 and 3/4 of the way down the screen, randomly]
• freezing with no marks at all
• flickering like the power dropped and then doing any of the above

I cannot restart it from this state, I have to power it off and turn it on again.

Weasel very kindly had a look and removed a wireless network card I wasn’t using that seemed to be a little too cozy with my graphics card. It didn’t fix the problem.

I don’t think my computers like it when I go to the US. When I got back in 2006 my previous computer wouldn’t turn on at all, which gave me this current machine. It’s made it three years without any trouble so I’ve been happy. I’m just scared of losing data.

This new computer is a happy thing because

• our entire network will now be on Vista
• I will be able to boot up and play Sims much faster which means I might actually play again
• thanks to interest free financing we have a year to get the money together [easily done]
• I get a 16 gig pen drive for backing up [much better than my current burn a CD/DVD method]
• I’m actually spending money, I’m not very good at it and this is a sound thing to spend it on

It should arrive sometime next week. Now we just have to figure out what to do with the old one.

My amusing distraction [knitting] is coming along nicely. Yesterday I went to a charity shop and bought a huge red ball of wool [it is the same size as Fergus! He pounced on it as soon as it he saw it]. I’ve already put it on so I can continue. I intend to keep practising on my amusing distraction until I see Mal again on the 7th. She’ll teach me how to cast off, I’ll exchange the 7.5mm needles for something smaller, then I’ll use the rest of the red to make place mats.

Weasel and I always eat dinner in front of the TV and this will protect the carpet and be washable. Good stuff. Plus I’ll be doing something useful while I distract myself.

I’ve managed to get up and get dressed for the last three days, so I’m pleased. I have moments when I don’t feel blue, but they’re still small. I’m hopeful that things will get better.

When I wander around the intarwebs I will bookmark sites I like that I intend to read later. Today I went through the last few and one had been deleted since I bookmarked it. Makes my job a little easier when that happens. Now I’m reading through three new ones.

OH!!!! Also yesterday, my book arrived! Six-Word Memoirs on Love & Heartbreak came with an ‘Olive You’ button, a letter and a couple of postcards. The envelop is awesome, it has Harper Collins Publishing as the return address. So shiny. I’m nerdy though and I’m in awe of the big publishing houses. Anyway, look me up if you see the book, I am on page 80! I’m so very pleased.

Yesterday, I sat on the sofa feeling depressed, watching movies* and knitting. I also may have eaten two of every meal [breakfast wasn't just a cereal bar it was also a bagel! lunch wasn't just toast and eggs it was crisps and dip too!].

* Pretty in Pink, Lost Boys, That Thing You Do and Thelma & Louise. These are on video tapes and I was watching them to see if I wanted to keep them. I got rid of them all. I might have kept T&L but the quality of the recording was poor [covered in stripes it was]. Plus it can be heavy going and I prefer films that make me happy. My project is almost complete though, only four more tapes and one DVD to go.

I’ve had three balls of yarn sitting around for several years. I’ve now knitted the little starter piece Mal gave me, and I’m 1/4 of the way through the third ball. People have asked what I’m knitting and Weasel suggested I was knitting an amusing distraction. So now I know what I’m knitting.

Today I made myself put in my contacts, put on make-up and get dressed – and stay dressed. I’ve made it four hours so far and I’ve only had to stop myself going upstairs to change twice. This is progress!

Granted I had to go to my hearing aid appointment so that helped get me started.

They did everything I wanted. Now I just have to buy my domestic loop for band practice.

Money has become annoying lately. I want to get the aerial fixed so we can have TV again, I want to buy this domestic loop so I can sing and hear other things, I want a new telephone for my deaf self, I want to buy Eddie Izzard tickets. I’m in the fan club so to speak so I have access to a pre-sale today. It’ll be £121 for me, Weasel and Doodle.

Well, while I was typing Doodle called and accepted the invite so I’ve bought the tickets. Yay for Eddie Izzard! We’re the second-to-last tour date at the moment so he will be on excellent form. We last saw him for the Sexie tour and the show we saw was 10x better than the DVD version. Excited.

We ran out of spicy cheese and I felt silly going to the store just to buy cheese [what?]. Weasel told me that she needs more yoghurt though so I’m saved! I can buy cheese. Oh how I love the cheese. Cheese makes everything better.

We spent the day with Weasel’s family on Saturday and what fun we had! Games, conversation, delicious food and Mal taught me how to knit! I’ve never before had the urge but as we were sitting watching TV she pulled out a jumper she’s working on and it looked like just the sort of distraction I needed. So she got me some old yarn and lent me some needles, showed me how to cast on and how to knit. I’ve managed to finish the bit of yarn she gave me and I’ve tied on some that I had so I can keep going with my practice. I think I’m getting better. It is remarkably easy. I’m not sure how to cast off [not sure if that is the phrase, but it makes sense logically so I'm going with it], so will either look online or wait until I see her again on the 7th.

Doctor was fantastic. I love my doctor. He is a nice man who knows what he is doing. He looked at my diet and said he thought it was great – perfectly normal and reasonable. He also said that very few people lose weight through exercise, so I’m not entirely sure how my chest doctor thought I could lose weight. In any event though, I am exercising as much as I can and I am working on taking care of myself.

As for my blues he left my antidepressant as it is and referred me for cognitive behaviour therapy. I should get a letter in a couple of weeks with an appointment. I just want to feel okay.

My sex drive is just going to have to be gone for a little longer. He checked and my birth control pill isn’t the culprit, so I have to assume it is one of the other eight or so medications I’m on. I will hopefully start coming off of the steroids in March so maybe that will help. I miss sex. I miss wanting sex more specifically.

I have a hearing aid adjustment appointment on Thursday. I’m hoping they’ll be able to give me advice on how I can have a more comfortable band practice. My problem at the moment is when I sing with my hearing aids in all I can hear is myself. I’m wondering if there is a loop system that might be implemented to help me. Also need more volume and to have the noise cancellation put back on my right one.

I cycled up to the post office/grocery store/pharmacy earlier and on my way I fell off my bike. It surprised me that it wasn’t a big deal. I got very good at falling off my bike over the years and I’m pleased to know my falling skills are in tact. I’ve grazed my shin and damaged the front mud guard but that’s all. I’ve bandaged my shin and I’ll look at my bike later this week – hopefully before Thursday.

Today I have dropped: the jar of yeast, the jar of pumpkin seeds and a bottle of milk. All were closed tight so nothing horrible happened. I clearly cannot be trusted with objects or not being affixed to the ground solidly – or let out without supervision.

I also had a sneezing fit at the grocery store and managed to amuse a lady re-stocking the wine cooler. Good times.

When Weasel and I die we would like to be buried in a card board box [or similar] under a new tree. While reading the local magazine I spotted an advert for a local organisation who does just that! So now I get to contact them and see about their ‘plan ahead’ option. If I believe all the scaremongering, there’s a 50% chance I won’t make it past 35 so would be good to be prepared.

Okay now, remember back in July 2007 when we got our new TV? See how shiny?

Well, we added the printer a while after that to the lower left spot. Added a Game Cube to the top right and all the games/controllers etc. that went with it. We had another set of shelves full of all our DVDs/videos.

Once the bookshelves arrived we put them together, cut a hole in the back for TV cables and moved all the DVDs/videos/games to it.

Then finally, the wonderful hi-fi stand arrived. Weasel put it together and set-up everything so they talk to each other.

She also got shiny speaker stands half price! The sound is so much better. The whole area feels bigger, tidier and more comfortable. Love love love. Plus, see my yoga mat and towel? There’s plenty of room for me to use it now. Awesome.

Fergus of course helped, supervised and generally supported our endeavours:

The two cats are his Nurse Kitties – they say ‘meow’. Fergus rescued them when we were clearing out stuffed animals from the library. The Hedgehog makes kissing noises. The Leeeeeemur also says ‘meow’ [we didn't know what noise a lemur made but it needed to reply when Fergus said 'woof']. And you all know Mushrooms are for nomming.

I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow. I’m hoping I’ll be able to explain that I hate my life, I’m extraordinarily sad, I’m so bitter and angry it makes me want to die. Luckily though, I tried to kill myself years ago and I know that I can’t do it, so when suicide isn’t an option you just shoulder on through!

Look how I spew yuckiness everywhere I go. Maybe he’ll just up my antidepressant and all will be well.

Also, all of you out there who have colds and stomach bugs, I feel for you, I really really do. But suck it up, things can be so much worse.

[I prefer being sympathetic without the bitterness. Sorry.]

[Will go now before I annoy myself further.]

[I love square parenthesis. Also, if you love music, have a listen to Flunk. Good stuff. Bye.]

Another stage of project upgrade the furniture has happened. A local charity came and collected Weasel’s old desk, filing cabinet and tower box – they even took the old TV stand! Yay! This means that the lounge is technically finished, I’m intending to clean it up after lunch and take some photos.

This weekend we will put the library in order. We’ll build the last set of bookshelves and reorganise the books. We’ll get the final layout of all our gym equipment sorted and ensure that it is still a comfortable guest room. I’m so very excited.

I finally made a decision about my Amazon voucher. I got a new ‘airstyler’. I cannot lift my hair dryer to style my hair properly so I was using my curling iron with the brush attachment. It isn’t very powerful so it took ages and wasn’t that fabulous at the end. I’m hoping the new one will make my life a little easier. I also got DVDs of 9 to 5, Barefoot in the Park, Twister and Grosse Pointe Blank. I can throw away more videos yay!

A very happy e-mail arrived yesterday evening. Our landlord has agreed that I can have a hearing dog! There are some things that need doing like repairing a fence, researching pet insurance, figuring out how much money we’ll need to budget to run said dog etc. I assume Weasel and I will have a long discussion about it soon and decide on the next step.

At 7:30 last night I finally thought I should look up what time President Obama would be sworn in so I could watch. Unfortunately, I missed it by 1.5 hours. Thanks to the power of YouTube I was able to watch both his swearing in and his inaugural address. I am filled with hope, but also very nervous. I want so much to happen and improve for my sister and her family, my parents, many of my friends, the rest of my family and of course the impact America has on the world. I just have to remind myself that he is one man. He has a very tough road ahead of him. Congress could still botch things up. He could still decide to pander too close to the centre for my leftist leanings. I wish him all the best. I am so happy I can tell people I’m American without feeling an embarrassed shame.

5.5 hours later…

I’ve managed to do a great deal of cleaning – more than I even intended to do. One of the furnitures that went from the library had a lot of stationery supplies which I dumped very quickly on the floor. I’ve sorted through all of it now and can I just say, I love love love throwing things away that don’t work anymore.

Now it is dark though and I wanted to take a photo of the glorious transformation with the sun shining so I’ll do it tomorrow.

Things I had in/around my ears when I went to the shops earlier:

• Wide black Alice band
• Purple glasses
• Hearing aids
• Ear hooks for listening to MP3 player

I have £35 worth of Amazon voucher burning a hole in my pocket. I cannot figure out what to get. Should I be sensible and put it toward that weight bench? Even though I’m still a little way off lifting weights? Should I upgrade my little hair curling/drying device since it turns out I’m not strong enough to lift my hair dryer anymore? Maybe I’ll get some of those videos upgraded to DVD finally… maybe Tori’s live DVD/CD that came out last year? I could always use more books!

I spent Thursday to yesterday with Horatio. We didn’t mesh as usual, but apparently we are too strong for that to bother us. So I’ll just talk about the food. Saturday night we went out with his Mum* and I had baked Camembert for the first time. I totally need to make it myself now. I just had toast with it, there were celery sticks, but I only had half of one so I don’t think it counts. It was so smooth and warm and yum yum yum.

* I’ve decided this will be my last night out with his Mum. She did not like me to the extent that she wouldn’t even come in the house if I were there. For over five years she treated me like this. Since Horatio moved out though she’s decided that we must all be friends for reasons best known to her. We’ve gone out to two meals now and I’ve exchanged a few e-mails with her. She hasn’t apologised for how she treated me or even explained what I did that was so horrible. Anyway, things felt very forced all through this last dinner and I felt so incredibly awkward. When she dropped us back at the flat I said thank you very much for dinner and she said, ‘mm-hmm’ and turned to talk to Horatio. I figured I must have been excused so I got out of the car.

When we got home Horatio and I indulged in a couple of films: How to Lose Friends and Alienate People and Twister. The former had one funny spot, lots of clichés and many predictable moments. Thus the palate cleanser that is the latter. While we watched we had a rousing games of Scrabble and Horatio surprised himself by winning. While we watched and played we drank a cocktail of Mountain Dew with a shot of gin. That is one yummy drink. Definitely going to have it again.

Sunday we went out to lunch before my train. I had lovely nachos with all the trimmings to start, vegetable enchilada with not-enough-sauce-to-sit-in so it was more burrito-like and served on rice and refried beans and gorgeous, moist, rich chocolate cake with ice cream. We had 50 minutes before my train at the end so we sat around being cold for 10 minutes before I told Horatio he could go and I’d just go wait on my platform. Happily, once he escorted me to the ticket barrier we saw that my train was already there so I could sit in warmth.

When I got home I put my bags on the porch, sat Fergus on them, rang the bell and hid around the corner of the house. Weasel answered the door and asked Fergus if he’d walked home by himself. I amuse me.

Weasel and I had lovely conversations to catch us up on the weekend’s events. Our TV area project is technically complete. I have a little cleaning I want to do and I will take photos tomorrow. I am very pleased with how it has turned out.

BlanketGirl has wisely decided to postpone her visit here until we know for sure if her husband has the new job he almost certainly does have. We hope to know within the week.

P.S. If you read this in a reader, please take a moment to visit so you can see Morphine Breathe 2.0! Thank you.