I dislike how every time something is wrong physically I immediately start to think that my WG is flaring and I’ll end up in hospital or something. I’ve developed a strange rash on my eyelids [WTF?!] and this coupled with my numb arm and usual foot oddness makes me paranoid. It is unlikely I’d be able to see my doctor sooner than my March 20th appointment so I’ve decided it would be best to just book my blood test the week before then he can look at current blood when we talk. These are completely different symptoms to what I had before and I feel fine [so to speak] otherwise.

I have decided I need to master the art of knitting faster so I can make Fergus a bee costume. I have found a pattern, I just have to get to an intermediate level. I found a few patterns for arm warmers, I’ve e-mailed them to Mal and asked her to help me pick which one would be best for me to try. Then she can help me with it when I see her next week.

Little Shop of Horrors is coming to my city on tour and Weasel’s whole family has agreed to come. There was a special offer of buy one get one free so it is only £23 per person and we have kick ass middle-of-the-theatre seats. I’m very excited!

My cousin ended up pregnant when she didn’t want to be and decided to have the baby and put it up for adoption. I am annoyed because my entire family is going on about how she made the ‘right choice’. The implication of course is that any other choice would have been ‘wrong’. There is no ‘right choice’ in these situations. There are individual, appropriate-to-her choices. I’d like to think that if she had school to attend or she didn’t have the support of her family that she would have been able to abort and still have that be the right choice – for her. My cousin is lucky because she did have family support, because she did find a reputable adoption agency she trusted, because she was able to carry the baby to term without any major physical or financial worries. Women who don’t have these things should not be counted as making the ‘wrong choice’ if they choose to abort.

There’s a meme on FaceBook where one gets to create a album cover. I could play with this all day! To play:

1. Go to Random Wikipedia. The title of the article is the name of your band.
2. Go to Random Quotations. The last four or five words of the last quote is the title of your album.
3. Go Explore the last seven days of Flickr and the third picture, no matter what it is, is your album cover.
4. Use Photoshop or similar to put it all together.

So far I’ve made Dick Yoder – parish together as fools, V speeds – to all men, charity and Gravitational wave – Even God cannot change the past. The images have been fairly typical Flickr fare.

My new computer arrived yesterday in all its glory. It is black and has seven USB ports and a completely over the top 750gig hard drive. I’m sure there are many other shiny things, but I’m not so good with the details. Weasel picked everything out, I just told her what I wanted to be able to do. I’m adjusting to Windows Vista. I had to bring my old copy of Minesweeper with me, I dislike Vista’s flashy version. I think I’m moved in, but I’ll leave the old computer on stand by for a month or so to see if I miss anything else.

I have five e-mail addresses. Grown organically over time. I obviously have the ones for my domain name, but I don’t use that with family. I’ve been using the one that came with our ISP for family, shopping and general things I need to be safe. Unfortunately, our lovely ISP has been bought out by a not so lovely ISP so we’re getting a new one. Today I got to spend a chunk of time changing my e-mail address in a variety of locations. It is very exciting.

I’ve been reading many blogs now and I always love to find new ones. When I like someone, I like to read their archive. It gives me a better sense of who they are, how they got where they are, I can keep trach of who is who and generally understand them better. I have an issue though with browsing archives. I like to read individual entries in order, much like one were reading a book. You read the page then turn to the next. You don’t read a page, flip back to the table of contents and then find the next page.

So here when you read a Debbie you can click links at the bottom for the previous/next Debbies. These links appear above the comments so if it is an older entry or you’re really not interested in what anyone else has said you don’t have to read them or even scroll by.

Most blogs don’t even have these previous/next links on individual entries. When they do they often appear below the comments [this is how Blogger does it] making a very long scroll sometimes or at the top which means again I have to put effort into trying to get where I want to be.

Basically, I wish people would make their archives friendly and accessible. The implication when they’re not is that you’d rather that people didn’t read them, in which case, take them down.

I am working my way through the archives of Radioactive Girl [exempt from above rant as is using Blogger] and she said so very well what I’ve been struggling with:

I think I summed it up best last night when I was feeling frustrated with it all and said “I just want my old boring life back”. It wasn’t boring, it just wasn’t filled with medical problems. It used to be that the biggest medical issue we had was my son’s asthma. It was a big deal, but nothing at all compared to what I am doing now. I just can’t relate to regular people right now. I just can’t relate to anyone who has health and still finds things to complain about. I feel sort of alone because I do not know anyone who can even understand what is going on with me. I can’t figure out how to not feel like a liar when someone asks me how I am and I say fine. But I also don’t want to burden everyone with the huge long story it would take to explain what actually is going on. It just feels like a mess. I have these poky things in my eyeball holes that hurt, my sinuses hurt on the right side, my eyes feel gritty all the time, I cough all the time for no reason, I am always freezing cold, my voice sounds funny and it hurts when I talk too long, my hair and skin are so dry I can barely stand it etc. etc. Enough! If there was a way to cry uncle I would because I am done. I have had as much as I feel like I can take. And yet who knows what is in store for the future.

Emphasis mine. Our problems are not the same, but the feelings most definitely are. On a similar note, I got a call from social inclusion yesterday but I didn’t get to speak to them. They never called back and they didn’t leave a number. I hope they’ll call tomorrow.

I started knitting a thing, only to discover the rather charming pattern I’d made wouldn’t work as a square. So today I got to undo it all and started again. I’ve finished it, the edges enjoy curling and I’m not sure what to do about it. I’ve stretched it a lot, I’ve thought about putting it under a very heavy book. I’m tempted to make this and all the little bits and bobs I’ve made into one thing. I might ask Mal about it when I see her next week.

I’m very happy for spring to be here. The crocuses have been out for over a week and there are daffodils sprouting up all over the place. I cannot wait for hyacinth season. I adore hyacinths!

Got the world’s largest grocery order yesterday [most expensive I've done since we moved into our own place and had to buy all the basics!] and still forgot toothpaste so Weasel and I walked to the shops today. We got to quack at some ducks and chat about all sorts of things. I’m very lucky to have a Weasel.

Weasel and I have indulged ourselves yesterday. We went for a family walk in the park.

Fergus found a stick.

He woofed at things too.

We got Domino’s for dinner. I ate too much. We watched She’s Having a Baby. The bit with the street party caused all kinds of flashbacks to my childhood. Not sure how I feel about it yet.

Re: hearing dog. I’ve sent off the part of the form for the audiologist to fill out. I got a name from reception and I attached a letter with additional information and my contact details should she need them. My GP telephoned on Thursday evening and said he thought it was a great idea and he was more than happy to help my application. I love my GP.

I had my assessment for Cognitive Behaviour Therapy too. She wasn’t sure if it would do more harm than good so was going to check with a supervisor and let me know. Meanwhile, she’s referred me to the Social Inclusion Team which will help me to find purpose to my life again [at least that's what I think she said]. It is simply a question of what sort of therapy will help, not if I need therapy. I should know more next week.

I’ve been thinking about god again.

On Friday I was talking with my Dad. We were touching lightly on politics only to change the subject because it makes me despair. He made the point though, that the ‘problem’ was mine. I would put others before myself if I could see that it would help more people. He suggested that I am the odd one out; people normally put themselves first.

Today I was talking with Weasel and I said I rather like libertarianism and socialism as concepts. But the two are technically at odds with each other.

I’m sorry, I’m not thinking very well right now. I didn’t sleep well last night and I’ve overdone it a bit for the last two days. I might come back to a topic here another day. Isn’t Fergus so cute?

What I did today.

A list.

By Ezekiel.

Age 27.

• Woke up at 8:00 or so. Tried unsuccessfully to fall back to sleep until about 9.
• Had a cereal bar and my pile o’ pills.
• Did 30 minutes of yogalates.
• Got dressed just in time to sign for the delivery of my hair products.
• Played Zuma – got to level 12.4 only to die. So I’ve started over again.
• Saw Stoat & Mal since they used our driveway to go to the hospital.
• Went with Stoat to the co-op to stock up on flour, seeds, nuts and other yummy things.
• Had lunch while watching House.
• Tidied the lounge, vacuumed, hung up the laundry to dry, had a go at clearing the first of many shelves in the kitchen.
• Sat down at the computer for ages. Forgot it was Tuesday so at 4 opened Zuma again.
• Realised it was Tuesday at 4:27, so called my sister. Got to speak to my brother-in-law for a while.
• Finished up with BlanketGirl as was exhausted.
• Read a little bit of The End of Mr Y by Scarlett Thomas. The plot has just thickened and it has turned rather exciting.

What I might still do today.

A further list.

• Cook dinner of some description… I might just put something in the oven.
• Do the dishes, unless the noises I heard earlier were Weasel doing them instead.
• Watch a TV show while eating.
• Talk to Horatio on the phone.
• Play with Fergus [he says woof].
• Snuggle with Weasel before sleeping.

Because you asked:

Broccoli & Cheddar Soup

1 onion, roughly chopped
6oz peeled potatoes, roughly chopped
1 tbsp sunflower oil
1 lb broccoli
Salt & pepper
1½ pts (850ml) water or chicken stock
½ tsp sugar
6oz (175g) cheddar cheese, grated

1. Lightly fry onion and potatoes in oil.
2. Trim broccoli and cut stems into ½ inch slices. Add the stems to onion and potatoes. Fry 5 more minutes.
3. Add half of the broccoli florets to potato mix. Add water or stock. Simmer for 20 minutes or until soft.
4. Add remaining broccoli florets and sugar. Cook 1 minute.
5. Put in food processor/liquidiser and blend. Most of the soup will become smooth but the newly added broccoli will retain a slight grainy texture.
6. Pour into a soup tureen and sprinkle on the cheese. Stir and turn with ladle until cheese is melted.
7. Serve with bread.

Sorry for the strange mix of imperial and US measurements. I’m not sure where I got this recipe, but I think I altered the amounts in my notes so I could cook it here.

Also, I doubled the recipe and got five good bowls full. I used frozen broccoli so the cooking times were longer. I used olive oil and vegetable stock. I also used about 8 oz of cheese. It is yummy.

ETA: I added a bulb of garlic too. I just skinned it and dropped it in with the first lot of broccoli. It gets puréed later so it didn’t matter what shape it was.

Weekend with Horatio was nice. I went up on Friday and came home on Sunday. We played Settlers for the first time in over a year. My illness messed up all kinds of things. We played Cribbage too and watched the Dead Like Me movie. I knitted little wrist cuff things and tied them to him. I also finally figured out ribbing, I knitted on the train. We also cycled [!] to the Chinese supermarket in search of Mountain Dew, alas they were out. So instead we split the one can Horatio had left, added a shot of gin and topped it up with Sprite. Very yummy. We also made Pretzel Chicken Nuggets. It was fun. Oh, and I got to proofread a document Horatio has been working on. I rather enjoyed it, there were some very funny bits in it.

The shorter trip seemed to work out better for everyone. Weasel didn’t have enough time to get too lonely and I spoke to her on the phone on Saturday so we were all okay.

I didn’t sleep well last night. I’m hoping that it what made me feel dizzy earlier. Now that I’ve had labyrinthitis once I live in fear of getting it again. Couple that with my arm still being asleep and I am very paranoid. I will probably end up booking a blood test just to be sure. I feel alright otherwise, which can only be good.

When Weasel and I got married we were allowed to play three songs. We chose:

Somebody by Depeche Mode

When we were half a world apart we got to speak on the phone sometimes. I sang this to her on one notable occasion. She is my somebody.

Love Song by Tori Amos covering The Cure

We met because of Tori. We adore Love Song. This ticked both boxes perfectly.

The Mummer’s Dance by Loreena McKennit

I just know we liked this song, and it was fun to walk out together to it. Weasel might be able to tell us more.

Marrying my wife was the best thing I ever thought to do. So to Weasel, no matter what words I say I will always love you. No matter how far away.