Blogging Against Disablism Day
BADD brought to us by Diary of a Goldfish.
Let me start by saying I feel woefully under qualified to writing anything about disablism. Disability is a very new hat to me still.
My hearing went in January [right ear] and October [left ear] 2007 and my breathing in December 2007. I spent 2008 at home resting and trying to heal enough to start living again. Now I am wandering out into the world, but I haven’t felt discriminated against really.
One problem I had was at the cinema where there is no hearing loop. I ended up using my ‘music’ setting turned up. The problem with this solution is that hearing aids can’t tell the difference between sound from the movie and sound from the person behind me rustling candy wrappers or talking. I felt guilty for wanting a better system for myself. I didn’t deserve to have the same experience at the cinema. I was less-than. I haven’t been back to the cinema since. So business people, wherever possible please include loops for those of us who are differently abled.
On-the-street encounters become challenging too. I feel very vulnerable walking out by myself. I once had a woman across the street from me ask a question [I guessed by her body language] and I replied that I was deaf. She waved an apologetic hand and moved on. Another time I saw a man walking towards me, eye contact was made and his lips were moving. I explained that I was hard of hearing and finally after a little back and forth we sorted it out – he’d been singing to himself. Just last weekend, I was using one hearing aid since my left ear is swollen and I had a person collecting for charity try to accost me. I ignored him though because I only had the one aid and I wasn’t feeling too well. From his point of view though, I must have looked so incredibly rude. I don’t like being rude, but equally, I’m not willing to explain everything to a passing stranger.
The other problem is when I tell someone that I can’t hear them they’ll smile and then keep talking at the same volume. So I just smile and ignore them. There’s nothing I can do to meet them half way. So when you’re interacting with people and they don’t respond how you think they should, give them some slack, you never know if they’re just deaf.
This is just the hearing side of my disabilities. I’ve had doctors who are leading me off for lung function tests – who know I have lung issues – charge off down the hall way ahead of me while I try to keep them in sight at my much slower pace. I find myself regularly apologising for being slow. I hate having to stop and rest.
I also apologise for not being able to hear. I feel so guilty for putting people out just because I’m an incomplete person.
Now I have to ask myself, do I think this about other disabled people? No. I genuinely think that they deserve every courtesy to help them navigate a world that doesn’t recognise their personhood. So why am I different?
This is my usual problem. The standards and expectations I have for myself are huge and unattainable compared to the expectation I have of other people. Everyone else gets compassion and respect from me, but I haven’t figured out how to turn that on myself yet.
I expect so much of my disabilities are tied up in my disease that I haven’t learnt how to separate the two and make peace. I want to though. Mostly, I just really want my old life back. So I am in awe of anyone who has managed to embrace a difference and move forward in an unfriendly world.
I sincerely hope I haven’t offended anyone.
Well, you are far better-qualified to write about disablism than I am! I think that the thing of thinking that you are a nuisance for requiring “special treatment” while everyone else is justified in getting it, and is treated with respect by you, is a very tricky one. I understand it completely (well, I do it myself a lot, anyway). I hope that you know, logically at least, that you are equally worthy of people putting themselves out for you. After that, all you have to do is believe it! Easy! (OK – so it’s not easy, but you SO should believe it!)
Great post, by the way!
Abi´s last blog post… A bit of a verbal meander
Wow!
As someone who was born deaf, uses sign language and happily exists in her natural state as a deaf person, I really do have a different perspective on those things.
Not to say that I don’t symphatize at the least. I can only imagine how difficult it is for a hearing person to lose their hearing and then have to deal with the difficulties of social interaction with others.
*hug*
Taking the risk of sounding like “I know what the solution is, and you should do this..” I’d like to share my own feelings about this. I apologize if it sounds like I’m telilng you the “right way” to react or something. That isn’t my intention at all.
I’ve long taken upon myself the attitude that “fuck what everybody else thinks. I’m deaf, and that’s all there is to it”. I make NO apologies for not being able to respond to questions on the street. I shrug, smile, nod or wave people away, and do not feel at the least bit guilty for this. When I face a situation when I have to ask for accomodations, I feel no shame. I have every right to access information and to have my bodily integrity respected like any other person.
I’m not saying that you might ever be able to feel this way or even if it is a solution to your discomfort, but as any feminisit/uncloseted gay person/etc will tell you, there is a certain feeling of freedom when you stop caring if other people judge you on your “difference”.
Good luck, and thank you for blogging about this. I rarely see posts on BADD from deaf person. I’d write one myself, but I do not have a blog, and am not a blogger.
I am so with you on the separate standards for myself vs. the standards I have for everyone else issue. I would never expect a sick friend to “do it anyways,” wouldn’t ask my mother who has knee problems to go up and down the stairs repeatedly, wouldn’t turn an unsympathetic ear to my aunt if she were feeling depressed about her liver failure. And yet, I ignore my own limitations, question my own symptoms, criticize my own periods of emotion. IDK why we all have to be so hard on ourselves, but thought you should know that this is a great BADD post.
NTE´s last blog post… Results of my BADD wanderings
This is a great post, sorry to have taken so long to say so. I think many, if not most of us who have become disabled go through this – and I’m not sure, after thirteen years, that I’ve finally shaken the idea that *I* ought to do better than everyone else with the same limitations. Actually no, my doctor told me off just the other day when I apologised for taking so long to get out of her tiny room in my powerchair. So there you go.
However, I do think your attitude to others is actually a useful yardstick by which to measure your own needs and abilities; the big danger here is not that you offend other people, but that you are too hard on yourself. What’s more, it is good motivation to ask for the help you need, if you think, “Well, I don’t really count, but if I ask for this, then other disabled people who really need this are likely to benefit.”
Thanks for contributing to Blogging Against Disablism Day! Off the top of my head, other deaf contributors include
Kethry here: http://kethry.wordpress.com/2009/05/01/badd-expectations-and-stereotypes/
and Deaf Girl: http://lindra.dreamwidth.org/4386.html
There may be others, that’s just from (my rusty) memory.
The Goldfish´s last blog post… Blogging Against Disablism Day 2009