New chair is lovely. It rocks and reclines and makes me feel all wonderful.

Weasel, Doodle, Holly and I are going to see the NIN/JA [Nine Inch Nails and Jane's Addiction] tour at the O2 Arena tonight. Very excited. This will be my third time seeing NIN. I’ve not been to the O2 Arena before. They have facilities for hearing aid users, will make the show amazing.

I got the forms today for me to get my benefits reviewed. I’m very nervous. I am better in a lot of ways, worse in others and scared of losing what help and support I get from them.

I have finally listened to Tori’s Abnormally Attracted to Sin properly. Depression made me put it off. I am very much in like with it and I am having spots of love shine through, but we’re still dating. I’m so incredibly excited for the shows in September. And sharing the experience with BlanketGirl will make it all the better.

I’ve booked an appointment to see my GP tomorrow. I’m hoping we’ll be able to come up with something to get me out of this depression. I understand that counselling will be a while and that’s fine, but I don’t think I should be crying most days and having ‘I want to die’ running through my head.

Weasel’s health issues [skin/teeth falling out/off] are being addressed. Two visits to the dentist and one more to go. Biopsies done, just waiting for results.

I desperately need some joy in my life. Something really amazing.

Horatio and I had last weekend together. We had fun. I was coughing more than usual which scared me rather a lot. I have settled down now I think. He is going to France this week until August. I won’t see him again until 21st August. We do have a lovely long weekend planned over the Bank Holiday. Then I’ll see him overnight while my sister is here [I want them to meet] then not again until October. Sad.

I went to book club last Wednesday. The book on offer [The God of Small Things by Arundhati Roy] isn’t as bad as I’d thought it would be, it isn’t set in Afghanistan so it isn’t as obviously depressing. I’m doing my best. BlanketGirl, Weasel and I decided to start our own little reading group, we’re starting with King Solomon’s Mines by H. Rider Haggard.

I went to the library yesterday and decided I could only select happy books. I have four. I also got a Mitch Albom book I hadn’t read because I so enjoyed his others. Another sewing book made it too since it seemed to cover pattern creation better than the other one I have. When I went to check out a small boy of about four was at the counter. I queued behind him. The librarians asked if he wanted to check out the book he had clutched in both hands. He wordlessly handed it to her and the other librarian had me come round to her desk. I watched the little boy stare at his book with the librarian as she asked what the title was and suggested that perhaps they should wait for his mummy. When mummy arrived she had another baby in a pram and a whole armful of books. It warmed the cockles of my heart to see a love of books and reading growing in this small boy.