Yesterday was excellent. I got a call from Doodle asking if I wanted to go fish shopping. Over some very hot weather in June several of Stoat’s pond fish died. So for his birthday last week we decided to restock his pond. I love going to the fish store, there’s loads of tanks and they’re so lovely. He got 12 in the end, shubunkins, comets and something else I cannot recall. We went back to the house and after they adjusted to the temperature from their bags we released them. Doodle, Stoat and I had yummy sandwiches and then they took me home.

I spent some quality time in the hammock trying to read We need to talk about Kevin by Lionel Shriver. I had a very hard time initally, but I’ve got the rhythm of it now. I’m still very annoyed by it, but I expect I’ll finish it. This is our book club book this month and BlanketGirl is reading it too so she can go to the meeting with me.

The highlight by far though: I made my sister’s cookies using my new [to me] KitchenAid mixer.

Cast of characters [as The Pioneer Woman says]

Mixer in action, so beautiful

All mixed and just about to fold in chocolate bits

Dishing up

All done!

The wonderful thing? I could add things while it mixed. Before, I’d add something, get my hand-held mixer, mix it up then put that aside and add something else. Saved so much time and effort. Now that I’m much weaker than I once was, not having to cream the butter by hand was heaven.

A curious thing happened today. I decided I wanted to take a nice long walk so I arranged to go with Weasel at the end of her working day. It was a wonderful walk; we talked, held hands, laughed and we went together perfectly as usual. We made it to the local estate grounds and walked around then came home. I realised something in the home stretch. I have been very happy for the last few days, hell the last week. It has felt very good. So when a wave of sadness hit me, I had to pause and look for the cause, it felt so alien.

I do very well provided I am in the moment; provided I am looking towards the future. Whenever I compare where I am now to where I was three years ago, I get very sad. I miss my old body. I miss waking up and feeling rested and prepared to face the day. I miss the energy. I miss running, jumping, cycling fast and going up the stairs two at a time. I will never stop missing those things. I will never think of my life before December 2006 without a great sense of longing and loss. What I can do though, is do my best to think fondly of those times, but let them go. Let them rest and find acceptance. Now I just need to find a way.

Tomorrow I go to Horatio. I am excited, we have plans involving Betty’s Cafe and York. We have plans involving friends and dinner. I have plans to trick him into watching Mary Poppins again because I just cannot believe he hates it and doesn’t know why. I’m very excited to have five days and four nights with him. I’m sad to be leaving my Weasel though, I’ve asked if she wants to come too, but she keeps declining.

I’ll pack tomorrow morning, load up my wheelchair and take off. I’ll be home next Tuesday. Then I’ll get to call my sister and we’ll get to be excited because there’s only a week until she’s in my arms and my house.

You should have my sister’s cookie recipe. It is delicious.

BlanketGirl’s Chocolate Chip Cookies
2 1/4 cup unsifted self raising flour
1 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. salt
1 cup butter (softened to room temp)
3/4 cup sugar
3/4 cup brown sugar (packed)
2 tsp. vanilla
2 large eggs
2 cups chocolate chips*

Preheat the oven to 350F.

Stir the flour, baking soda and salt together in a large bowl and set aside.

Beat the butter in a large bowl until creamy. Add the white sugar, mix. Add the brown sugar and mix well until the texture is smooth and peaked. Add the vanilla, mix well. Add the eggs, one at a time, mixing well after each addition.

Gradually blend the dry mixture into the creamy one. Fold in the chocolate chips.

Drop by tablespoon onto ungreased baking sheets. Bake for 9-11 minutes or until lightly brown.

Makes about 4 dozen cookies.

* I do not like the chocolate chip options I have here, so before I was using chopped milk chocolate bars. They’re very rich. So this time, I got a pack of 100g plain chocolate chips and a 250g bar of milk chocolate. I cut each square in half, so the cookies had a lovely texture with big and little chocolate bits. I am fairly certain I should have had another 100g of chocolate, I don’t think I had 2 cups. Still yummy!