Time has been moving on without me. Things are happening as usual, but I’m not absorbing and processing as usual.

I hope it is just how I feel today/right now.

I had an off day with singing on Sunday I went for a long stomp-y walk to get it out of my system. Yesterday I had an amazing voice lesson. I am learning a lot. I didn’t know I did this, but I don’t sing at my full volume because I had a history of being ‘too loud’. So I ended up with a quiet and unsupported sound that didn’t do what I wanted. Turns out I just needed to have a bit of a shout and engage the right muscles. Doodle and Weasel recorded a few tracks last Saturday for me to sing with, I’m very excited.

Therapy today was very good. I can see very clearly that I am coping better now than ever before, I can see that I’m getting into some sort of rhythm and balance. Unfortunately, this means that a lot of my buried issues are coming up now and I have to deal with them. Like, I think my parents treat me differently than my sisters and I think they put too much pressure on me as a ‘peace maker’. I’m so incredibly close to just telling them not to visit this year, I don’t want to see them. Gah.

Book club was on Wednesday, we read One Good Turn by Kate Atkinson. We had a wonderful discussion once we were able to get into the library. I left early with all my things carefully packed and walked over. When I got to the corner near the library, I realised I’d left the key at home. Normally, there are library staff lunching on a Wednesday. They weren’t in; so I went across the street to what looked like an occupied house and rang the bell, hoping to use their phone. No one was in. Thankfully, Jo showed up just then and she had a Blackberry; I called Weasel and she called work people to tell them she was going then brought the key. I’m just pleased because I only called myself ’stupid’ once and I took immediate action to fix the problem without berating myself. Our next book is The Life of Pi by Yann Martel. I’ve read it four or five times, I’m excited to read it again and to discuss it.

Played the piano more today; Teardrop by Massive Attack [found some dodgy sheet music online]; practiced some scales and played some old performance pieces. Progress.

Doodle, Weasel and I are off to see Imogen Heap tomorrow. Very excited! She’s an excellent performer. This will be show number four for me I think. She’s playing Royal Albert Hall in November, I’d like to go again if our finances will allow.

I totally just played [on the piano] Sweetest Perfection [Depeche Mode] for the first time ever!

I was slow sure, I was imperfect sure, but by god, I did it!

My therapist will be pleased.

I played for an hour all told and my back is killing me and my right hand hurts. But I don’t care!

I couldn’t hear very well with just the single hearing aid so I’m sure it was unnaturally loud, but again, I don’t care!

I haven’t felt like playing in such a long time, just the desire to play in the first place felt incredible. I’m really hoping this represents a turning point of sorts and I feel like doing things again.

Hope hope hope.

I’ve been playing Bookworm Adventures 2 my best word so far is ‘unattached’. I want to get more words with 10 or more letters.

I have had three very long walks over the last three days. This is really when I can see any changes the last dilatation has made. My air is definitely moving better. I’m not coughing as much, but when I do cough it is more violent. I expect this will improve over the coming weeks. I think I’ve recovered completely now. On my walk today, I crossed the street to walk in the sunshine and by happy coincident happened to be in the path of a very excitable puppy. She saw me and started straining against her lead to come see me. I got a puppy kiss, puppy nibble and learnt that she was three months old. Absolutely adorable, I think she is a chocolate lab. So cute.

Sign language class was fun on Friday, we’ve been learning dates/times/holidays etc. and we had to write a diary of our week. Then pair up and sign each other’s weeks. My partner is fairly typical; she works, has a drink with mates, dinner with boyfriend, gym etc. Now because I’m unemployed, I end up doing a lot more. I made bread, did the laundry and had a singing lesson. It was fun and I got to learn a lot of new signs. Oh, I don’t think I said, but I passed the first assessment back in November.

I’ve had to re-re-re-re-re-start Weasel’s skirt, the one I’ve been knitting for years [small exaggeration]. I messed up the star alignment and it looked silly. I tried to convince myself it wasn’t a big deal, but I couldn’t. So out it came and I’ve started again. Perhaps I’ll finish it by the end of the year.