I have a habit of not being able to remember how to pronounce people’s names. This is illustrated every time Justin Bieber comes up in conversation, I don’t know if it is Bi-ber or Bee-ber. I ask whoever I’m with which it is and since I do not have access to any of his fans they don’t know either. Mostly we talk about how strange it is that people seem to hate him so passionately to the point of wishing him dead. It doesn’t make sense to me. Fair enough if you don’t like his music, don’t listen to it. If you can’t escape it, stop listening to the radio station or leave the shop. Otherwise, do what I do and wear headphones with MP3 player everywhere you go. Helps my social anxiety. I also use the method of wearing no hearing aids, everything is quiet then.

Anyway, I digress. Names!

I’ve started watching New Girl on Channel4 On Demand and I can’t decide if I like it or not. When I talk to people about it, I say it stars Zoe Dachshund because I cannot remember her proper surname. Plus, I totally like dachshunds.

Then I realised I do it to M Night Sha-ma-la-ma-ding-dong and Natalie Imbru-gli-oo-gli too. To be fair, it isn’t just famous people. Weasel has a sci-fi writer’s habit of making up names so her e-mail address [as far as I'm concerned] is sem-a-lem-a-ding-dong@gmail.com [minus the hyphens of course!]. We actually made that her username in L.A. Noir because we’re hilarious.

Why I’ve been missing all week: I hadn’t realised a week had passed. Additionally, on Sunday, I was getting dressed and managed to fall over [thank you broken foot!] and cause all kinds of havoc. I fell on my beautiful dressing table and whist using one of the handles to gouge my back managed to essentially shatter it [the handle, not the table, that would have been even more distressing]. All the pieces are in a little pot while I try to get my courage up to examine the remains and see if it is salvageable. My back is very angry about it too, see a picture:

In other news, I’ve finished watching Lost. I was fairly confused about which lines of plot were real so I had to ask the internet. SPOILERS ahead. Once it explained that the island totally happened and the reality that seemed to result from the atom bomb was not, things made more sense. Once I realised that Jack died and his own personal heaven had to wait for his people to die too so they could meet made sense too. Overall, I liked it. I don’t think I’ll watch it again though.

My foot is healing well, I vacuumed yesterday, the boot made it challenging. I can stand for longer periods of time and I’ve walked around the block twice. I’ve been able to stand and cook too, so I’ve made a stew and buckwheat pancakes for Shrove Tuesday. Doodle and I made wonderful pizzas yesterday; I sautéed onions, peppers, mushrooms, veggie sausages and tomatoes and covered everything with a wonderful blue goats’ cheese.

And on that note, I’ve run out of things to share so I will go.

Kate Harding wrote about Charles Murray’s book Coming Apart: The State of White America. There is a series of questions to establish how thick one’s privilege bubble is in chapter four and she shared them. I found them so interesting, read her post first please, then read my responses and please at least think of your own responses.

It is worth reminding readers that I was born and lived in the US until I was 18 and have been in the UK ever since.

1. Have you ever lived for at least a year in a city with a population greater than 1 million?
No. I grew up in a rural town of just below 50,000 people. I now live in a small city with approximately 130,000 people, the population fluctuates because we have a large student population.

2. Have you ever lived without a car for longer than a year?
Yes. I haven’t driven a car since 1997 [one too many accidents meant I couldn't afford insurance]. When I moved to the UK in 99 there just wasn’t need for one. I’m not a fan of cars so I’m grateful I don’t need one.

3. Have you ever lived for at least a year in a municipal area in which more than 10 percent of the population was not white?
Yes. My city is ‘only’ 74% white. Growing up the racial diversity didn’t exist. I literally knew five non-white people. I’m delighted that I have access to the internet, I love reading about lives that are different from mine, so that obviously includes people of different races. I’ll never truly understand, but I want to be the best ally I can be.

4. Have you ever had a close friend of a different race?
No. I hadn’t even realised this until now. If it was just friends – not close friend – then I’d be a yes. I don’t make friends easily.

5. Have you ever had a close friend who is openly atheist?
Yes and I am myself.

6. Have you ever been to a gay wedding?
Yes, my own!

7. Are any of your close friends gay couples with children?
I don’t have any close friends with children. The only children in my life come from my sister and Weasel’s extended family and they’re all straight.

8. Do you or any of your close friends have more than $50,000 in student loan debt?
Yes. Not me, but I know several friends who have had to deal with student debt.

9. To your knowledge, have you ever met a transgendered person?
Yes. Several.

10. During the last year, have you attended a free public lecture, reading, performance, or movie screening in your community?
Yes. When the libraries were threatened with closure I went to a meeting. I should probably get more involved, but I dislike going out at night.

11. Would you and, if applicable, your partner and/or children be able to attend a different free public festival every weekend between Memorial Day and Labor Day, without traveling more than fifteen miles from home?
No. If it was 100 miles I’d be golden, London is sure to have something going on.

12. Have you or, if applicable, your partner and/or children ever been to a Planned Parenthood or similar non-profit clinic for affordable contraception, preventative health care, and/or STI testing?
No. I wasn’t that sexually active when I lived in the US. In the UK I enjoy state funded health care.

13. Have there been one or more homicides in your neighborhood in the last month?
No. Worst crime we deal with locally is drugs.

14. Have you lived for at least a year in a community with a visible homeless population?
Yes.

15. Do you have a YMCA or YWCA within five miles of your home?
Yes.

16. If, as an adult, you wanted to play a sport, take a dance class, or learn or a foreign language, would you be able to in your community? Would you have more than one option?
Yes and yes. I’ve taken Japanese, yoga, sign language and pattern making at four different facilities. There are loads more available too.

17. In the past five years, have you seen homeless people fishing in your neighborhood?
No.

18. Have you ever patronized a fast food drive-thru that had a revolving window of bullet-proof glass?
No. See question 2: no car. Additionally, drive-thrus are not common in Europe, I only know of one in my city.

19. Do you live within five miles of a mosque?
I’m not sure. I think I do. I asked Google, I totally do!

20. In the last year, have there been one or more newsworthy acts of violence at your local public high school?
No, or at least none I remember/heard about. There may have been violent acts that were hushed up or deemed petty.

21. Is there a public playground within easy walking distance of your home?
Yes. It’s about 15 minutes walk. There’s another one 30 minutes walk away.

22. Can you travel a mile from your home on foot or by wheelchair or mobility scooter without running out of sidewalk?
Yes and I do all of those modes of transport regularly.

23. Can you get from your home to a public library without using a car or spending more than $3? (How about an art museum? A sporting event? A beach? A fireworks display?)
Yes. I can walk there in 20, cycle in 10, scooter in 30 minutes. Art museum might be doable. I’d have to plan carefully. No idea of sporting events, not my cup of tea. No to the beach, but yes to bodies of water and nature. Yes to fireworks display.

24. Choose one. Who was Jane Addams? Or: Have you ever bought a tamale from a man who came by your local bar at 1 a.m.?
I don’t know who Jane Addams was and I’ve never bought a tamale from anyone.

25. Does your state receive fewer tax dollars than it contributes?
No. My county is woefully underfunded from government resources.

Isn’t it amazing how much privilege can come just from living in the ‘right’ place?

Recently for bad movie and yummy pizza night, I’ve been lazy. Cooking frozen pizzas or calling Domino’s instead of making them from scratch. I didn’t feel up to making the dough, I couldn’t face all the vegetable chopping and cheese grating, I hated the idea of standing up long enough to put them together.

I decided this week though that if I waited until I felt well and up to making them I’d just never make them again. So Thursday night I made the dough [and a loaf of bread]. Friday morning I made the sauce. I didn’t get around to grating the cheese.

Doodle arrived and we started creating pizzas. He is the crust master so I leave that to him while I chop veggies. I apologised for not having the cheese ready to go and he said something that a lot of other people have said to me, but for some reason it really hit me this time: “You do more with a broken foot and illness than a lot of other people manage.” My wife, my therapist, my parents, my sister, my in-laws, everyone I know has said similar things to me.

I so fervently wish I could get my emotional side to understand this, my logical self has it down pat no problem. But that’s not that part of me currently berating me for not going for a walk today. Logically, I know that I did a large batch of dishes, I cleaned the oven and the toilet, hung the laundry and used the shake-weight. My back and arms are sore, I’m not feeling very well. And under all of that I’m getting guilt because I didn’t go for a walk with my broken foot.

I’d had a vague idea of having a go just to see how I did – a very short walk. My evil side took that and ran, I was going to go on a nice long walk and it would be awesome. There’s no middle ground here. I have Put Your Shoulder to the Wheel and ‘if it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing well’ in constant loops in my head. I’m exhausted.

Three things that my brain has done lately for my amusement:

1. Weasel told me she was going to a pantomime on Friday night a few weeks ago. We ended up doing a little sketch with Fergus hiding behind her and me saying he was behind her etc. A few hours passed. She walked into the lounge and asked me if she’d told me about the panto. I said yes and reminded her of our sketch. We laughed a lot. A few more hours pass and she is getting ready to go out. I ask where she’s going and she says the panto. We may have some memory problems at our house.

2. Last week when I couldn’t walk and carry water at the time Weasel was kindly refilling my glass for me. After dinner one night, I pointed to my glass and said, ‘Could you please get me some more menu?’. Word confusion for the win!

3. Last Friday Horatio and I were walking to his house [well, I was wheeling in my chair] and he mentioned that he’d discovered a few friends via Twitter who happened to live in my city. I asked him if he told them he had a sister there. Later on the phone I told my parents they now had a son.

And so to bed!

Remember back when Google Reader allowed you to share items within Reader? Remember how awesome that was? Then they launched Google+ and it was supposed to be epic and better? And it so wasn’t. It was worse. Then they did the real name policy and suddenly people were getting banned and leaving. I’ve been sharing my Reader items there for a few months and I don’t like it. I did some digging and found a button to share to Tumblr from Reader and so I’ve moved over there. Follow with RSS or visit amyezekiel.tumblr.com – thank you!

My scooter and I got trapped in the snow last week and yesterday I finally had the chance to read the manual and figure it out. The circuit breaker tripped and so I reset it and ta-da! scooter works again. I took it today to my final laser hair removal appointment and the grocery store. Very lucky to have it.

Horatio and I had a lovely weekend with rather less video games and more TV shows. Really enjoying Alcatraz and we’re nearly done with season three of Alias. We made epic veggie burgers on Saturday, used a bagel as the bun and it was wonderful. On Friday my travels were made of fail. We were expecting rather a lot of snow, so I got a very early taxi [30 minutes early]. I’d arranged for assistance with getting on and off the train as I was in my wheelchair and my hoof is broken. I got to the kiosk and no one was around, so I wheeled over to someone to let them know I was there. On learning what train I was on, he suggested I get a direct service to my connecting station that was leaving then. I said my ticket wasn’t valid and he insisted so off I went. He said he’d call ahead to let people know I was coming. We arrived, the doors opened and no one was there to help. I stuck my good foot in the door to stop it closing and finally the train guard spotted me and got the ramp. I alighted and went to my next platform where I now had to wait an hour. My next train was running approximately 20 minutes late, we got moving only to stop shortly after. The conductor announced that there was a train on fire at the next station so we were queuing.

After 30 minutes we got moving again, then he announced that our train was running so late that they decided to cancel it. We all had to get off at the next stop. Thankfully, someone was waiting for me there. She told me to go to platform 4 and she’d come help me board the new train. I left and waited. There was another train for my destination on platform 5 and my assistance had disappeared so the conductor of platform 5 train got the ramp and off we went. It was a small local train stopping at the little stations, so it was a little adventure. Finally arrived at my destination an hour late.

The hearing in my left ear hasn’t been as awesome lately and the hearing in my right seems more awesome so I decided I needed another hearing test and maybe a hearing aid adjustment. I called to book an appointment and they seemed extraordinarily reluctant to give me one. I could understand if I’d been there every week for a year bothering them, but I haven’t had a test since 2009. She suggested it could be wax, I know my ears very well, if it were wax I’d get my ears cleaned. She wanted me to go to the hearing aid repair clinic first then be referred to the audiologists. My aids are fine, no change, its my ears that have changed. Grumble. Got there in the end, but it was difficult.

My foot is improving every day. I love being able to sleep without the boot. I can walk with a fairly ungainly lurch, without crutches. The pain is mild and controlled with ibuprofen. I miss going for walks and exercise in general.

While I was trying to understand Tumblr I had a look at Neil Gaiman’s. He has planned a Valentine’s Day surprise for his wife, Amanda Palmer. Apparently, they’ve only spent one V-Day together during their relationship and he is missing her. His surprise has been to publish details of where Amanda will be tonight after a gig and asked people to show up and blend in with the crowd. Then when Amanda arrives, they’re to greet her and then kiss her and tell her it is from Neil. I read it this morning and I tried to just let it go, but I’m really, really creeped out. I keep imagining myself in Amanda’s shoes and I do not like it. She has no consent here. If she doesn’t like the first kiss and leaves, she’s a bad sport. If she stays she is going to end up being kissed by 5-50 [Neil's numbers] strangers – in proxy of her husband. I can only hope that Neil and Amanda have discussed this sort of scenario before and she’s expressed delight. I’m not about to curtail someone’s kinks, but that pesky consent thing keeps popping up. I’m going to keep trying to let it go.

Having trouble writing now, so I’ll stop there.

One thing I wanted to talk about, when the triage nurse was admitting me last Saturday for my broken foot, she asked what my pain level was from one to 10. I said I honestly couldn’t tell her. It was no where near the most pain I’d ever had, in my brain I was thinking three maybe four. So I tried to adjust it for a ‘normal’ person and said seven.

Trying to read my pain levels is pretty much impossible now. I rarely take painkillers because they just don’t seem to work and the pain now often registers as uncomfortable rather than pain. There’s a reason my website title is Morphine Breath. I was taking 60mg of slow release tablets twice a day and every three hours I was topping up with 10ml of liquid morphine. I had to set alarms to wake me in the night to take it because if I didn’t the pain would be excruciating. After a dose once I could taste it a bit and I told Weasel I had morphine breath. The phrase amused me and here we are.

Thankfully, the my disease was put under control and the pain dropped off, but I don’t think I’ll ever be able to accurately judge my pain levels ever again. Not with those memories.

Anyway, yesterday, I went to the fracture clinic. Apparently, the A&E [Accident & Emergency, not Arts & Entertainment] people were a little a little overzealous. My ankle might be all right, the fifth metatarsal is definitely damaged, maybe just a fracture though. I had the temporary cast removed and I’ve been given a walking boot/air cast. I can put weight on my foot and I can take the boot off any time. I can sleep without it too. I had a bath when I got home and it was wonderful to feel clean again. He reckoned that I’d be better in four weeks. All round very good news.

Weasel and I finished watching Avatar: The Last Airbender last night. The ending was superb. There are spoilers ahead, so please skip the rest of this paragraph if you don’t want to know. It being aimed at children [as a show on Nickelodeon] I was reasonably certain the good team would win, but what was incredible to me was that despite my reasonably certainty I still thought they might twist it. The characters were so well developed, the timing of each final battle so precise that the possibility of failure and defeat were palatable. The moment when Aang lands on his blocked chakra and the Avatar State is activated was beautifully animated and acted. That entire fight with Lord Ozai gave me goosebumps. Azula was truly frightening in her unravelling. I was delighted with Prince [Lord!!] Zuko and how his story turned out. I could feel his goodness from the beginning, I didn’t believe his evil act. Iroh and the White Lotus taking Ba Sing Se so they could give it back. I cheered so Sokka, Toph and Suki as they battled the ships so cleverly. Watching Toph take the bridge was so fun. And finally, that wonderful, perfect kiss between Katara and Aang.

I’m still on Avatar here, but no more plot spoilers. I wrote about the diversity of the show before and I am delighted to report that it continued through to the end. My current favourite is the background crowds; there are equal numbers of men and women and they are all different sizes. I kept being surprised that there were women there. Finally, I’m so very excited about the new series [same world, 70 years later] coming later this year.

I’m off up north tomorrow for a weekend with Horatio. I was afraid I’d have to cancel because of my foot, but walking boot has saved it. I’ve arranged for help on and off the trains and I’m taking my wheelchair so I’m good to go! It’ll be nice to be somewhere without stairs. Meanwhile, the agenda is the same as usual; video games, Cribbage, Scrabble, movies and whatever TV shows appeal.

I’m really excited to leave the house actually, felt a bit trapped today.