Goddammit! I thought I’d published the following, I wrote it on the 5th.

Today is my anniversary! I have officially been in the UK for 13 years today. I love this wonderfully weird, green little island so very much.

After signing our lease agreement yesterday I decided to check out a nearby shopping centre. Weasel and I used to live fairly near it and visit regularly, but since we moved and our health started going we just haven’t been. I decided I’d use the opportunity to browse all the shops and have a good look around. I decided to make a loop, and headed into BHS first. I’ve had a string of good luck there; a blue/white sun dress [reduced to £18!] and a green shirt [reduced to £3!] both comfortable and flattering. I found another dress, again on sale, again further reduced at the till [£10!]. I followed my loop and went round a few other places and tried on a few more things and nothing really stood out.

I ended up in a pound store and managed to find some excellent zombie make-up for Weasel and I to use when we volunteer to be zombies in a 5k at the end of October. I bought some hair accessories at another shop and made my way back along my loop. A new shop had opened, called Yours. Evans and Ann Harvey used to be in residence, but they’d both closed so this was the only plus sized shop. I was pleasantly surprised, I ended up with two gorgeous tops that can be worn with leggings or skirts both for £34. I’m so used to having crap luck with shopping that it caught me off guard.

My wonderful web design course has sat gathering dust for a month because I can’t seem to get my act together where it is concerned. I believe I am scared. I’m not sure why though so I will be forcing the issue.

Back to today! I managed to get my act together and I’ve completed two modules on my course. I started one that said it would take approximately three hours. 25 minutes later I was done with 94%. I couldn’t decide if I was some sort of genius or if the other people taking the course are idiots.

I had a lovely weekend, Sunday Stoat & Mal invited me to a local estate park. It was a wonderful few hours in the last days of summer. The dahlias are out in force and they look so stunning. I’m delighted that I managed to walk for two hours without trouble.

I’m on 5mg of steroids still, I’m hoping to drop to 4mg next Tuesday. I’ve had some minor back aches from it, my ear has popped a little and my nose wants rinsing more often. If things don’t clear up I’ll wait another week.

Okay, I’m going to list some facts so I can illustrate my line of thinking:

• Horatio kissed by a girl last week. He didn’t tell me the entire story initially, namely that she then went on to kiss the rest of his party. And that her girlfriend then did the rounds too. The level of fear I had morphed into jealousy and its strength surprised me.
• I was thinking through yet again if I could cope being just friends or if I’d miss him even more since he’d still be in reach but off limits.
• I realised without Horatio my pool of friends is severely limited. Mostly through choice, but also as a result of the life-as-I-know-it reboot of 2006-11.
• A friend of mine has recently joined OKCupid for dating purposes and has been sharing the results with us for much hilarity.

All of these facts together and a lonely evening [Horatio is in very sunny Spain and Weasel was out at a gig with Doodle] meant that I joined OKCupid too. I have been answering questions. I’ve just said I want to meet local people for fun and games [not sex]. Part of me thinks it is logical to have more friends and a practical response to a stress, the other part can’t help but feel horrible because if I ever need to pull the trigger on this it means that Horatio may be gone. So I have a ball of anxiety in my belly while my brain run around in circles and I blunder onwards.