I sometimes have the urge to write fiction here so I can sound like a real person. Oh the stories I could tell!

Instead though, I have stupid old reality. I realise I haven’t written a Debbie in some time, I find that my depression/bitterness has raged into overdrive and I really prefer not to display that if possible.

Firstly, some good news. I saw an underling of my vasculitis doctor last week, I am now officially tapering my steroids! I am on 4mg now, will move to 3mg on 29th April and six weeks after that I’ll be on 2mg, etc. etc. until I get to stop. I’m really really hoping I don’t flare during this. It is a very common for us WG people to flare while we’re tapering. I seem to have more energy which is very good. Nothing else really noticeable yet.

Secondly, some not good news. My chest doctor still thinks I’m fat. He reckons my GP lied to me when he said my diet was normal. So I’m back to recording my food and exercise again. I’m not to have any ‘treats’. I never thought of anything I had as a treat, more dessert or just a part of my day-to-day. Since it is impossible for the majority of people to lose weight and keep it off I’m not delighted. Additionally, all this has done is made me paranoid and obsessive. I’ve been here before, it isn’t a fun place. I’ve gone down every possible weight loss road there is and I am just not ever going to be a small person. My current plan is to do away with my ‘treats’ and in a month I’ll go see my GP and discuss it again. Chest doctor’s plan if I do not lose weight is to send me to the obesity clinic where they will give me drugs. Drugs that don’t work, just like dieting doesn’t work.

It makes me very angry and bitter – more so! Good times for all of us.

I spent last weekend with Horatio. We watched Teeth, which if you love horrible B-movies with bad acting, poor plot and hilarious use of fake blood I recommend wholeheartedly. We cooked and talked and played many games and had sex two times! I’m totally on my way back eh? Our record was 19, our average was nine. I really really hate not having a sex drive and I really really want it back.

My wonderful eyelid rash has spread to my earlobes. I have no idea what’s going on there. When Weasel woke me up this morning I asked her if there were still travelling freak shows. I’m beginning to feel that I would make a good act. I forgot about this conversation until later in the day. I’m not surprised I was still trying to find a job with my current skill set.

The social inclusion people told me about a knitting group in a local cafe. I went along last night and had Weasel go with me for moral support. There were six others, apparently their record is 22. They were all very kind and had a variety of projects and had entertaining conversation. Some of them are fairly close in age to me too, which is a wonderful surprise. I have no idea how to meet women my own age for friendship. I shall go again next week.

I have plans to join a book club at the library as well. It meets next Wednesday in the afternoon. I’m very nervous about doing both in one day.

We were going to see Stoat and Mal on Saturday, but their boiler died a death; so no heating. We’ve invited them ’round here instead.

I’ve been cleaning my ceilings this week. Kitchen, bathroom, dressing room. I’ve also cleaned window frames. I love it when my house is clean.

I’m impressed I’ve managed to write this without the rage taking over. I’m still waiting for my referral to the therapist who will help me ‘adjust to [my] physical health problems’.

God damn it.