I totally figured out how to make passive aggressiveness work! Tell the other person you’re doing it.

Weasel and I practice the wash-dishes-as-you-use-them method. Sometimes if a Weasel is very busy she won’t wash hers. I’ll usually wash anything that’s hanging about when I wash mine so it’s not a problem. However, earlier this week I’d spent all my energy for the day so when I went to wash my bowl + spoon I couldn’t face washing hers too. So I left mine in the sink. Then I went to Weasel and told her that I’d passive aggressively left my dishes for her to wash in protest of her not washing hers. It totally worked cause she went and washed all the dishes after that.

I’m worrying a bit about book club this week. Our last book, Vanity Fair is very long and I haven’t moved as swiftly through it as I normally would. I have approximately 400 pages to read still, having read 470. I blame the beautiful words. He used ‘superciliously’ twice and whenever these lovely words show up they give me a little thrill and I pause to enjoy it. It makes for slow reading.

Today has been a challenging day. I think I’m doing that thing where because I’m fat I must be punished. I try not to do that because it doesn’t do me any good in the long run. Today I should have rested a bit from the last three and tried get my back to calm down. Instead, I took a shower and cleaned it while I was in there, went for a 40-minute walk, shopped*, made graham crackers and sandwiched them with fudge, caught up with The Young and the Restless [GAH! Victor & Sharon?! Seriously?!] and read the fat book in-between it all.

* Yes shopping. Nan has a no-mourning-clothes rule in place for her funeral. Unfortunately, my smart clothes are all black. I have a lovely purple shirt that I could wear, but I only have black skirts. So I decided to buy purple tights. I also have a grey top that requires a cami so I’ve bought blue one and a green one and matching tights. In theory this will give me at least one workable outfit. I’m also fairly annoyed with my lack of real clothes so I went on another bender to try and find something. I expect most of it will be returned, but I am hopeful that at least one thing will work.

Right, the lovely Mr Benedict Cumberbatch and his lovely cheekbones will be on TV in ten minutes so I best get myself prepared!

I have spent six hours in the last three days getting our upstairs rooms rearranged to cope with our new [to us] bed.

Before this project got under-way, our bedroom had our king size bed and four bookcases. The hobby/guest/spare room had my sewing desk, a filing cabinet, a clothing rack that I stored fabric on, the rower, a bookcase, a built-in wardrobe featuring old clothing and random odds and ends and an assortment of air-beds depending on who our guests were.

I got the rooms prepared and Stoat, Mal and Doodle all came over to get the bed installed upstairs. They were wonderful getting it all set up. I helped a bit, but my lungs didn’t like that and Mal made me lie down. I did a great job guarding the big van they hired though and I totally drove my beautiful new scooter into the shed.

The hobby/guest/spare room now has a wonderful adjustable double bed, a filing cabinet, my sewing desk and the rower. The bookcase has moved into our bedroom, the rack for the fabric is in the garden* and the air-beds and fabric are in the built-in wardrobe. The wardrobe was sorted through, I had loads of dresses from my teenage years of which only three fit and I only liked two of those. Now it is much better organised and the room makes sense.

* The clothes rack is over 10 years old, the bottom bars are slightly bent and it is weather-proof so now we have somewhere to hang plants.

The scooter is lovely, just right for me. I got the insurance sorted today so we’re good to go! I’m going to have to think of somewhere good for the maiden voyage. Especially since my wheelchair is still making the horrible beeps [see previous post] – it gets better though, it isn’t just one wheel any more! Both are doing it and the company still hasn’t got back to me, so I’m calling again tomorrow. Good times.

The notify sound on my phone is a carefully edited five seconds of the drums at the opening of Caught a Lite Sneeze [Tori Amos]. I’ve enjoyed it immensely, but it seems I haven’t listened to Boys for Pele since I put it on; I’m listening to it now and I keep twitching thinking my phone is going off.

My hospital is testing fancy new lung function equipment and I got to be a guinea pig on Friday. I had to put on a very tight white sports type shirt then she projected a grid onto it. I did the usual tests on the old equipment and the sensors in the machine watched how my chest moved. They’ll be able to show that the new machine measured my lung function correctly then. It was really interesting and it is exciting to think how it’ll be able to help infants/children/elderly people.

After that I had a vasculitis appointment. It didn’t go as well as I’d hoped. I wanted a date to start my new meds, but they don’t have one yet. I was hoping to see my ENT as my ear is being strange. It is making noises that it shouldn’t be. Unfortunately, they were very busy, so I get to go back again next Friday to see him. And because they’re not sure what is making my ear weird and given my other symptoms I’m back up to 10mg of steroids. We’ll adjust after ENT if necessary. I’ve been sick for five years now and I’m getting pretty bloody sick of it.

It’s hard because I can be pleased with getting the rooms sorted upstairs, but I can’t help but think that six years ago I could have done that project in a day, not over three. Ah well, this is life.

I made chilli today. I simmer it for several hours and when Stoat arrived he said my house smelled like a Greek restaurant.

Beep, beep, beep, beep.

Seven second pause.

Beep, beep, beep, beep.

Seven second pause.

Beep, beep, beep, beep.

Seven second pause.

Beep, beep, beep, beep.

Seven second pause.

Beep, beep, beep, beep.

Etcetera. For approximately six hours.

I plugged in my powered wheelchair wheels to charge today and after about five minutes my left wheel informed me that it was very upset about something. My book had one, two, three, five beeps [some long and some short] all explained, but no four beep error listed. I finally called my dealer [ho ho] and asked them. They said they’d look into it and call me back. They called me back to say they didn’t know, but they’d called someone else and that person would call. It’s 19:15 now, so I’m thinking they’re not getting back to me today. The battery still charged despite the beeping.

I had some self-torture to do and a few errands so I left it beeping by itself. I’ve been making myself take more consistent walks for about a week. 40-minutes at a fairly brisk pace. Today I wanted nothing more than to rest, sit and rest. Maybe even nap. But I am mean, so I decided that my ‘rest’ would be a slightly shorted walk and I wouldn’t press the pace issue. I hurt everywhere now so obviously my plan worked.

Anyway, the last I knew, my pharmacist closed from 14-15:00 and the post office closed between 13-14:00. By the time I bullied myself into leaving the house it was 13:30. I tried to use this as a reason to not go, but I wasn’t taking any crap from me. Both places were open and ready by the time I got there, so drugs were collected, parcels posted and stamps were bought.

THEN! I went to the home-wares/DIY shop that I love. I had a lovely wander downstairs through all the kitchen stuff. I admired a large spatula [£7 was a little out of my price range though]. I fantasised yet again about having matching sheets and towels. Someday. I found the PVC tape I needed [£1.49!] and headed home.

I watched 1/3 of Scrubs season eight. I don’t hate it, but it isn’t as good as previous seasons. I can see why it was cancelled.

I’m clearly losing steam, so I say to you, good day!

I have excellent news! Last week, you may recall I went out in Scrabble with ‘candies’. What I neglected to mention is that I also went out with ‘moorings’, wasn’t so high scoring, I didn’t mention. BUT! I’ve done it again! Today I went out twice with ‘quoiter’ and ‘barmier’ – the former scoring 84 and the later 81. I won both games in the end as well. Highly satisfying.

Weasel and I have been working our way through Avatar: The Last Airbender, we’ve just finished season two. I’ve been so very impressed with it. There are disabled characters, there are women in lead roles, there are fat people and there are people of colour.

Consuming popular media would have us believe that the world consists almost exclusively of thin, white, straight men with an occasional thin, white, straight woman to act as a love interest. Thus why we have the Bechdel Test. I watched the re-make of The Women recently. I didn’t know anything about it going in [I prefer watching things 'cold'] and near the end I had a niggling feeling that something had been strange. Finally, I realised that there hadn’t been a single man in the show. There are loads of films that have no women, but this was the first I’d seen with no men.

I digress, Avatar!

There was a pair of warring tribes in one episode and the leader of one of the tribes was a fat woman. She was strong, capable and her fatness was just there. Like it is on real people. Media often likes to portray fat people as being lazy, smelly, stupid, ugly and the butt of jokes. Iroh is fat, he is also an incredibly gifted firebender and philosopher.

One of the main characters, Toph, is a blind girl. She makes loads of jokes about her blindness [my favourite when she reassured Sokka that the others were wrong, his drawing of Appa looked great]. It’s been my experience with my disabilities and other people I know that we all make jokes about our disabilities. Speaking of Toph, she is literally the best earthbender on er, earth and I love how they chose to animate her, she is short, wide and solidly built. Her image makes one think of solid rock.

A pair of siblings are at the centre of things, Sokka and Katara – they’re Inuits so they’re brown. Other characters throughout the show are brown, red and white. The only other show I’m able to think of with much racial diversity is The Simpsons and they only have a handful of ethnicities rather than a majority.

I’m really surprised Nickelodeon commissioned this show, notably the episodes really need to be watched in order, Nickelodeon prefer episodes that stand alone so they can be repeated forever.

I haven’t decided if I’ll bother watching the film. I am looking forward to another season following a different Avatar coming sometime this year.

EDIT: There exists in Avatar a wonderful creature: a sabre-tooth moose lion. The cub is incredibly adorable. I’ve decided I’m going to make one. I expect it will be knitted or crocheted. Seriously, ask Google Images about this beast. Painfully cute!

And on a completely different topic. Mal has been going through Nan’s things with her sister and incredibly they’ve offered Weasel and I her electric scooter and her adjustable double bed. I’ve wanted to get another bed for our guest room, but it wasn’t a priority. This means when people visit we’ll have a proper bed for them. It also means we’ll have a nice bed when Weasel or I need to sleep sitting up more. The scooter will be epic. My wheelchair is awesome, but it still has to be pushed. This is joystick driven so when I am very poorly I’ll still be able to get around. I’m in awe of their generosity.

Shockingly, I have another ear infection! Who could have seen this coming!?

While I was at the pharmacy waiting to get my blue-topped ear drops I was looking at the nail polishes. There was a ‘Nail White Pencil’ next to the polishes and I was delighted. When I had my last pedicure, the girl drew a little moon and a little star on each of my big toes. I loved them and I’ve tried several things to replicate them with no success. I thought a Nail White Pencil would be a pencil one could use to draw white on their nails.

I got home and tried it out, it didn’t work. I asked the internet about it. Turns out, its to make the tips of your nails look whiter. You apply it on the underside of a grown nail. I tried it on one hand and couldn’t see any difference. I asked Weasel to see what she thought. I wondered what happened when one washed ones hands? Surely the pencil comes off [assuming one is washing one's hands thoroughly]. Ah well, I shall keep trying to find the best way to draw on my nails.

This week has been a challenge, I’ve reduced the steroids to 5mg across the board. My hands and teeth are not happy, but I’m sticking with it. I will be a very happy bunny when I finally get to switch to rituximab – this won’t suppress my immune-system but will keep the WG under control. We’ll see what the plan is at my appointment on Friday the 13th. Duh-duh-dunnnn!

I’ve spent hours upon hours looking at pendants trying to find one that is a) small, b) yellow gold, c) less than £35, d) not twee and e) not phallus shaped. This has been nearly impossible. My previous best three finds came from eBay. I’ve upped the budget to £45 and I’m trying again. Update: I found one! It’s a gorgeous lily. Phew. I’m delighted to no longer be looking at jewellery.

I’ve got the MP3s of one computer sorted and I’ve started on the second lot now. Then I’ll be able to figure out which CDs we haven’t ripped and either a) rip them or b) get rid of the CD because we obviously don’t listen to/like it. I also get to find duplicate MP3s and delete them.

The post has taken me bloody ages to write, so I’m giving up and publishing it as is, my brain is clearly not up to doing better.

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I’ve been struggling to find the words to say this, so I’ll just say it.

Weasel’s Nan died late Thursday night.

She was an amazing woman. She played her role in WWII. There are photos of her outside tents, her official cutlery was still in her house. After the war she married and had four children. She was widowed at 45 years old, her youngest was only 10. She raised them herself and when her children were grown, her own mother fell ill and she played nurse to the end.

I got to spend a night and day with her, just the two of us a year and a bit ago. I asked her all sorts of questions and heard all manner of stories. The first paragraph was in answer to my asking why she never dated again after her husband died. Her whole life was spent in the service and care of others.

I am very lucky, my home is surrounded by things that remind me of her. She was so generous when Weasel and I were setting up our home, we didn’t have a lot of money so she gave us her old Tupperware containers, three gorgeous ceramic baking dishes, a beautiful white and blue tablecloth that someone gave to her as a wedding present, £50 we were able to use to buy two pine bedside tables and finally, a stunning dressing table. I adore that piece of furniture and I love looking at it and knowing it was in her home for over 60 years before it came to mine.

She introduced me to the phrase ‘Hatches, Matches & Dispatches’ – the colloquial for birth, wedding and death announcements. I’ll think of her every time I hear it.

My extended family is not particularly close, we care for each other and we keep in touch, but watching Nan’s children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren rally around her and each other during her illness and death has been incredibly beautiful, but sad. She will be missed.

Thursday also brought new life. My friend, Ellie had a daughter. A longed for, desperately wanted daughter.